1
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:03,731
Oh, my God...
2
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:09,245
...it's full-on double rainbow all
the way across the sky!
3
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,649
Whoa!
4
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,286
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
5
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,051
Oh! Oh, my God!
6
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,647
Whoo!
7
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,649
What does this mean?
8
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,366
It's so bright.
9
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,767
Oh, my God, it's so bright and vivid.
10
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,571
It's starting to look
like a triple rainbow.
11
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,370
Oh!
12
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,162
Going streaking across the quad!
13
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,844
Coochie, coochie, coochie!
14
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,645
Yeah. No, I know. Uh-huh.
15
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,320
No, I'm not. I'm not.
No, I'm paying attention.
16
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,121
Mom, I'm listening. Just talk.
17
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,801
- Tyrone.
- Are you going trick-or-treating?
18
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,565
- No, because...
- Pow!
19
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:11,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
20
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,927
I'm in the car. I'm literally in the car.
21
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,565
David, hey. David Clark.
22
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:13,841
Rick Nathanson.
23
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,724
- Uh, I'm sorry.
- Little Ricky. We went to college together.
24
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,644
Oh, shit. Hey, dude.
25
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,287
We all took ecstasy at Dave Matthews
one time and I tried to kiss you.
26
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,844
That's right. I remember that. Yeah.
27
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,167
Yeah. "Crash."
28
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,441
Yup.
29
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,564
Wow. I didn't recognize you.
You look very different.
30
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,888
I've gained a little bit of daddy weight.
31
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,491
You know the drill.
32
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,250
Actually, I don't, no.
33
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,009
- No way. No way! Still a free agent.
- Mm.
34
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,363
You son of a bitch!
You lucky son of a bitch.
35
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,525
You lucky, lucky son of a bitch.
Wow, that's amazing. Wow.
36
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:52,086
Here. For old times' sake, huh?
37
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,041
For daddy stress.
38
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:56,411
You're still dealing weed?
39
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,445
Best in Denver.
40
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,328
That's fucking awesome. Oh, my God.
41
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,446
That is so cool.
42
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,369
- You're still at it.
- Yeah.
43
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,642
- I envy you, man. I do.
- Ah.
44
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,525
Look at you. No wife, no kids.
45
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,091
- No responsibilities.
- Mm-hm.
46
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,567
Pfft, nothing. You got nothing.
47
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,161
You could disappear tomorrow
and who'd even know?
48
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,924
- Oh, what I wouldn't give.
- Yeah.
49
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,361
Oh, hey, I didn't mean
that in like, I mean...
50
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,211
No. It's all right. It doesn't bother me.
It's all right.
51
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,604
- Great seeing you.
- Great seeing you.
52
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,370
Okay, bud, I believe in you.
53
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,409
- Hey, David?
- Yeah?
54
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,247
- Facebook me. We'll get weird.
- I don't think so.
55
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,245
- Ha, ha! Get out of here.
- Good luck with the family.
56
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,804
Oh, fuck. Fuck me. Fuck.
Hey, great news.
57
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,923
We're gonna get high and fuck tonight.
58
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,407
I'm sorry, honey.
Put Mommy on the phone, okay?
59
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,326
I'm-a take my skin', boot, rings
All off
60
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,888
Skirt, boots, rings All off
61
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,129
Ooh, baby, you so bad, boy
Drive me mad, boy
62
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,402
You don't care what they
Say about me
63
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:17,406
Girl is a problem
Girl is a problem, problem
64
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:26,805
Wow.
65
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,731
- You dance super good.
- Thanks.
66
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,002
I'm Kymberly. With a Y.
67
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,522
I'm Rose. With an R.
68
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,804
Is that your stage name?
69
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,883
- My what?
- Your stage name.
70
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,323
To protect yourself from the creeps
out there. You should pick one.
71
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:48,401
You know, something simple but sexy
and cute and short, maybe.
72
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,086
- Do you have a nickname?
- Totally!
73
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:52,520
Great. Use that, because...
74
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,643
I even got a tattoo of it.
Do you wanna see?
75
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:55,921
Uh, well, n...
76
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,326
Check it out.
77
00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,087
"Boner Garage." Oh, whoa.
78
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,049
You got a little arrow there even.
79
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,009
Is that not like the hottest?
80
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,242
Boner Garage, you're up.
81
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,570
Oh, look at that. So excited and
full of life. That'll fade.
82
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:16,641
Hey, Rose. I know you're "technically" on
break, but I need a lap dance. Table five.
83
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,684
Just don't get too close.
The guy has two hook hands.
84
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,730
How did we let that guy back in here?
85
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,401
Must have picked the locks. Ha, ha!
86
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,886
How was work this evening?
87
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,201
What do you care?
88
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,526
I'm just asking.
89
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,960
Oh, just don't.
90
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,203
Fine. Well, is your dummy boyfriend around?
91
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,721
No. Jimmy's with his parents. Why?
92
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,804
Well, because Jimmy still owes me
400 bucks, so...
93
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,442
Maybe you shouldn't loan drugs
to people.
94
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,362
- All right. Good tip.
- Mm-hm.
95
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,443
I was thinking is that maybe you
could help him out, settle his debt.
96
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,762
- Not a fucking chance.
- You'd be doing me a solid, neighbor.
97
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,406
Oh, really? Neighbor?
You're not a neighbor.
98
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,604
You're a drug dealer whose apartment
smells like cheese and feet.
99
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,690
Mm. Yeah, it's a candle
I got from Anthropologie.
100
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,770
Cheesy Feet. That's what they call it.
It's a bestseller.
101
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,721
Oh, Rose, got a piece of your mail here.
102
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,767
I'd lend you some money,
but we're not neighbors.
103
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,206
Oh, you're such a dick!
104
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,124
Have fun dying alone, jerk.
105
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,641
Have fun digging out the singles
from your crotch.
106
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,609
My crotch only takes 20s, David.
107
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,366
Hey, David.
108
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,604
- Hi, Kenny.
- I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.
109
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,849
It's called flirting, Kenny.
You'll learn about it in college.
110
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,046
What are you doing up?
It's almost 2. Where's your mom?
111
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,245
- Uh, she went for a drink. With a friend.
- When?
112
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,285
Last week.
113
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,801
Uh, so I got the whole place to myself.
114
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,731
Yeah. Rolling Han Solo
for the weekend.
115
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,888
Mm-hm.
116
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,964
Um, speaking of rolling,
I was wondering if...
117
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:25,607
- I don't sell to kids, Kenny.
- I'm 18. I'm gonna get my own place soon.
118
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:26,887
Not a kid, David.
119
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,040
Yeah, you are. Take care.
120
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,847
Give me my fucking phone.
121
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,964
- You guys are such assholes.
- Hey, baby.
122
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,400
Leave her alone.
123
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,441
- Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
- Unhand her.
124
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,005
Hey, leave her alone.
125
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,723
Goddamn it, Kenny.
126
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,039
- Fucking tough guy Huh?
- You don't have to...
127
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,201
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
128
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,727
Easy, easy. What's going on here?
129
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,970
- Mind your fucking business, old man.
- Oh, my God. You're a dude. Ha, ha!
130
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,568
That scared me. Your voice was so much
deeper than your bone structure.
131
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,762
These assholes are trying
to steal my iPhone.
132
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,048
You have an iPhone?
Aren't you homeless?
133
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,083
So? Fuck you, dude.
134
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,049
Okay, this was fun. Carry on.
135
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,890
- Come on, let's go.
- What? No.
136
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,328
These guys are picking on her
and it's not fair.
137
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,966
What you gonna do, white boy?
You some type of hero?
138
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,650
Not a hero. He's a dumb kid.
139
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,727
I got an idea. Leave the girl alone.
Just move along. Huh, what do you say?
140
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,160
- "Move along"?
- Yeah.
141
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,762
- What are you, some kind of cop?
- He's not a cop. He's actually really cool.
142
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,200
- Thanks.
- He's a drug dealer.
143
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,568
- Really?
- Goddamn it, Kenny.
144
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:31,886
Give me your backpack.
145
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,161
I don't wanna fight.
146
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,847
Well, there's not gonna be a fight.
See, you either give me the backpack...
147
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,566
...or I'm gonna stab you in the neck
and take it.
148
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,766
It's a real Sophie's choice here, huh?
All right.
149
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,286
Okay, backpack it is.
150
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:46,561
If you wa...
151
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,161
Run, Kenny!
152
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,561
You're dead meat!
153
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:02,325
Hey, sorry, I dropped my phone.
Are we still going out tonight or what?
154
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,730
Fucking shit! Shit!
155
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:09,885
Oh, shit.
156
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:18,970
Sorry. This is fucking dumb.
157
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,169
Whoa-ho-ho, motherfucker.
158
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,004
- We got you now.
- Unh!
159
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,283
- Do whatever's in the safe too.
- Look at that.
160
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,324
It's not even my money.
If you take that my boss will kill me.
161
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,370
You okay, David?
I can help. I'll call the cops.
162
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,011
No, I'm okay.
163
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,847
Hey!
164
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,289
Whoa, what the...! Unh!
165
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,482
When Mr. Brad calls, you answer!
Get in there!
166
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,529
Please don't tell me
where we're going. I love surprises.
167
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,362
- All right. Okay.
- Can I help you?
168
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,688
Hi. You ordered two black guys.
169
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,848
Oh. Okay. This guy.
170
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,361
No. David Clark here
to see Mr. Gurdlinger, please?
171
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,921
I'll tell him you're here.
Can I get you something?
172
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,929
Coffee. Tea. Fresca.
173
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,167
Hmm.
174
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,801
You know what,
a Fresca sounds really good.
175
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,519
- You got it.
- Appreciate it.
176
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,966
Hold on one second.
You guys want anything? It's on me.
177
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,326
Replenishes electrolytes.
178
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:44,205
Don't want you cramping up
when you jerk each other off.
179
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:45,481
Nice meeting you.
180
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,320
Easy.
181
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,370
Easy. Oof!
182
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,881
Okay. I'm gonna hang out here
if that's all right.
183
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,128
Oh, thank you for that.
That's very helpful.
184
00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,085
Oh! David Clark.
185
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,250
You're a hard man to find.
Take it easy on the plastic.
186
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,761
Whoa, Brad, what the fuck is this?
187
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,126
Look, man, I was gonna call you back.
Do not kill me.
188
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,521
- I got robbed, okay. I swear.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
189
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:12,766
What are you...? What...?
190
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,007
Oh, the plastic?
191
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,441
Yeah, the plastic.
192
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:16,687
I've seen Dexter.
193
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:21,488
Buddy, I'm putting in a new skylight,
you idiot. Ha, ha.
194
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,043
You should have seen your face just now.
You shit a brick.
195
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,364
Well, what am I supposed to think, man?
196
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,370
You've got these thugs throwing a bag
over my head. Come on.
197
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,121
I'm sorry about that.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
198
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,324
- It's fine.
- You do know I've killed people though?
199
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,086
Yeah, Brad, I know.
200
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,486
Ha-ha. All right, have a seat.
201
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,605
Whoa, what the fuck is that?
202
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:46,083
What? Oh, my orca?
Yeah, I bought an orca.
203
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,324
I make a lot of money.
204
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:51,961
So you bought a whale?
205
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,685
Well, I don't like sports cars.
206
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,360
- Yeah, yeah.
- So where's my money, David?
207
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,160
Come on, man. We go back.
208
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,368
We do go back.
But it's not college anymore.
209
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,608
We're not selling lids out of my dorm room.
210
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,371
And you owe me $43,000.
211
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,564
I told you, I got robbed, Brad.
They took everything I had, man.
212
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,843
This week's drop, 22 grand
of my money that I'd saved. I'm fucked.
213
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:18,166
Listen, this is a fucked-up situation.
But I might have a win-win for both of us.
214
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,451
- Great.
- I have a smidge of very choice...
215
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,324
...mari-ju-ana down in Mexico...
216
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,409
...and I need it here by Sunday night.
217
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,444
My regular courier is out
because he got gunned down.
218
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,920
That's where you come in.
219
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,727
You could be my mule.
I need someone I can trust.
220
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,527
Go to Mexico, bring it back by Sunday
night, not only will I forgive your debt...
221
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:41,089
...I will pay you
a standard courier fee of $100,000.
222
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,369
You're gonna give me 100 grand to move
a smidge across the border?
223
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,447
Smidge and a half. It's nothing.
224
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,644
Dude, I got rolled
by the fucking cast of Annie.
225
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,401
I come walking in here and you ask me
to be an international drug dealer.
226
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,888
This is easy money, David.
All you gotta do is pop down to Mexico...
227
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,527
...go to this address, tell them you're
there to pick up for Pablo Chacon.
228
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,848
- Who the fuck is Pablo Chacon?
- I am.
229
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,766
You don't get respect from Mexicans
when your name is Brad Gurdlinger, right?
230
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:15,522
I mean, that's white in any language.
See? Big Bad Brad thought of everything.
231
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,091
I don't know. I don't think so, man.
This is way out of my league.
232
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,685
It's a federal crime.
233
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,805
If I try to cross the border with more
than a pound, you're talking like, um...
234
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,009
Twenty-five years in Mexican prison.
If you get a happy judge.
235
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,242
Yeah. Jeez. Not good.
236
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,966
- Although, you're forgetting one thing.
- What?
237
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,527
You don't have a fucking choice.
238
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:45,445
So now you're gonna become
an even bigger drug dealer?
239
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,007
Drug smuggler, Kenny.
There's a difference.
240
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,001
You're probably gonna get
searched at the border.
241
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,722
No offense, you look like
a total drug dealer.
242
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,605
- No shit. Thanks, dude.
- You could wear a disguise.
243
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,605
- What?
- A disguise.
244
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,484
That's what I thought. A disguise.
245
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,684
I dress up. What's the hot
Halloween outfit these days?
246
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,611
Bane from Batman? Someone like that?
Wear something over my face?
247
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,565
There's no drugs in here.
You've got nothing to worry about.
248
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:13,920
Great idea.
249
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,326
Hey, pardon me. Hi.
250
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:23,162
Hate to bug you, but I'm trying to get the
fam to the zoo and I'm lost as all heck.
251
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:24,930
Fuck off, real-life Flanders.
252
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:30,242
It's my fault. When it comes to reading
maps, I sure can be an old flibbertigibbet.
253
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,724
Hey. No parking here, sir.
254
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,410
Perfect. Fucking tourists.
255
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,041
Oh, jeez. I'm awful sorry, officer.
256
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,163
I don't know which way is up around here.
257
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,011
No problem.
Our city can get confusing sometimes.
258
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,770
Trying to find our way to the zoo.
259
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:48,806
It's two blocks up that way,
take a left, two blocks...
260
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,841
Holy fucking shit.
261
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,205
Thank you, dickheads.
262
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,449
Hey little lady, don't you say maybe
263
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,530
Rose, the guy at the bar asked for you
by name.
264
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,131
Treat him nice.
265
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,561
Baby, I'ma show you how to
266
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:11,881
Yeah!
267
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,969
Hi. I'm Rose.
268
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,730
- Hi. Hi.
- What...? Oh, please. No.
269
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,968
- No, Rose. Hey, Rose, Rose.
- No, no, no, no.
270
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,527
- Please. Listen to me.
- Duh, duh, duh, duh.
271
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,644
Ch-ch-ch-chuh.
272
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,330
You asshole.
273
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,405
Don't worry. You don't have
to get naked and all that stuff.
274
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,931
- Unless you want to, you know. Oof!
- Mm-hm.
275
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,400
- Fuck.
- What do you want?
276
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,523
How would you like to spend 4th of July
weekend making 10 grand?
277
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:44,801
- What?
- Rose, listen.
278
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,725
All I'm asking is that you
go to Mexico with me.
279
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,125
All right? And then we drive home together
in an RV.
280
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,401
Mm-hm.
281
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,080
- And that RV has some pot in it.
- Drug dealing?
282
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,045
No, it's not drug dealing. It's not.
No, it's smuggling.
283
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,402
- Are you out of your mind?
- Rose, listen to me.
284
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:05,322
Now, me crossing the border by myself,
huge red flag. Huge, all right?
285
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,642
But families,
they don't get a second look.
286
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,730
So, Rose, I need you to be my wife.
287
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,882
That is the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
288
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,641
Look, Rose, 10,000 bucks,
and your flight's already paid for.
289
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,205
You can't buy me.
290
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,370
I'm not buying you, all right?
I'm renting you.
291
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:23,607
Hmm.
292
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,006
Like Pretty Woman.
293
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,043
Pretty Woman?
She was a prostitute.
294
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,924
And I don't trust you.
295
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,171
- What did she say?
- What the fuck do you think? She said no.
296
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:41,331
Cool. So I guess it's just us, then. A little
father and son bonding trip to Mexico.
297
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:45,485
Are you kidding? You and me alone in a van?
It'll look like the pervert Olympics.
298
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,882
No way. Absolutely not.
No, we need a girl.
299
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,687
And unless you can think of someone
that can leave town tomorrow, I'm fucked.
300
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,491
I know a girl.
301
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,288
I don't get it. What's in it for me?
302
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:04,690
I'm thinking a roof over your head, some
actual hot food. That'd be good enough.
303
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,166
I'm thinking 1000.
304
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,682
Fine, 1000 bucks, but that's it.
305
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:14,130
Great. And if we get caught I'll say you
drugged and kidnapped me. Cool?
306
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,249
Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, that's fine.
But that's it.
307
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,802
Kenny, meet your new sister.
308
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,807
This is great. I've always wanted a sister.
309
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,489
- Get it off me. Get it off! Get off!
- Hey, come on. Let go.
310
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,411
- Come on. We gotta clean you up.
- What's wrong with you?
311
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,331
- Don't say that.
- I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.
312
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:36,646
Wild child
313
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,410
Boner Garage!
314
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,171
Going all out Going for broke
315
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,607
Oh, great. Rose, I'm glad I caught you.
316
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,043
I wanted to go over a couple
of minor policy changes...
317
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,050
- ...that we have here at the club.
- Like what?
318
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,562
Like, I want you to start having sex
with the customers for money.
319
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,569
What? That's totally illegal, Todd.
320
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,290
Come on, what are you gonna do?
321
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:06,088
I gotta stay competitive with those
fuckers who opened up across the street.
322
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:07,725
You mean the Apple Store?
323
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,365
Yeah, and they're killing us.
324
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:10,806
Oh, God.
325
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,970
That's it. I can't do it. I quit.
326
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,886
Did you hear the good news?
327
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,367
Now we get to fuck the customers
for money.
328
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,041
- Wha...?
- Boner Garage loves it.
329
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,365
I'm out of here. I am out of here.
I quit.
330
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:36,686
Fuck.
331
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,366
Fuck.
332
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,568
So, Casey, I guess it's nice for you
to get your hair cut.
333
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,285
Being homeless and all...
334
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:10,121
I'm not homeless, fucktard. I have a home.
But I left because my parent...
335
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:14,564
Shut up, okay? Please. I don't need
to hear your hard-luck backstory right now.
336
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:19,368
I rented Precious on Netflix eight months
ago and I still haven't watched the thing.
337
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,641
Here. You know what?
338
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,202
Just give me a little peace and quiet
and buy yourself some new clothes.
339
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,722
You know, the kind of stuff that loved
children wear. Not this garbage.
340
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,445
All right? Thank you.
341
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:30,841
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.
342
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,608
You're fine.
You already like a total dipshit.
343
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,924
Here. You're gonna need it.
You look like Eminem from 8 Mile.
344
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,528
Go with her.
Make sure she doesn't steal it.
345
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,609
And stay the fuck out of Hot Topic.
346
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,400
David Clark?
347
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,401
Okay, what are we doing today?
348
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,570
Yeah, I say,
give me something that says:
349
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,970
"I get up every morning at 5:30 and
commute for an hour to a bullshit job...
350
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,771
...where my boss expects me
to kiss his balls all day...
351
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:03,965
...so I can afford to keep my ungrateful
kids decked out in Dora the Explorer shit...
352
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,321
...and my wife up to her fat ass
in self-help videos...
353
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,285
...until the day I get the courage
to put a shotgun in my mouth."
354
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,006
Right here.
355
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,843
Yeah. That's it. That's the one.
356
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,201
All right.
357
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,211
Get a full body check.
358
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,925
Sorry.
359
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,808
Hi, you folks have everything you need?
360
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,406
Oh, you betcha!
361
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:31,685
Yeah, we're heading out on a family vacay
here, you know? Off to see grandma, huh?
362
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,010
Well, you have a lovely family.
363
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,522
Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, this
is my son, Kenny Miller, right here.
364
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,041
- And my lovely daughter...
- Casey?
365
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,369
Casey. Casey Miller, that's right.
And I'm David Miller.
366
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:44,607
We're the Millers.
367
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:48,646
Yeah, now, you know, I got my hands
full here. Couple of kooky teenagers.
368
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,641
Yeah, I'm going through all those
typical teenage girl issues like:
369
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,491
Finals and college applications...
370
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,007
...and am I gonna get asked to prom.
371
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,680
Plus, I haven't gotten my period in
two months...
372
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,924
...which is really weird because
I've mostly just been doing anal.
373
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,484
Ha-ha-ha! Oh, that's enough.
374
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,731
Well, thank you for your help, "Natalie."
375
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,250
Take your seats, please.
376
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:18,646
You fucking kidding me?
377
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,808
I'm good. I got it.
Right over here. Thanks.
378
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,923
Thank you. Sorry.
379
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:27,569
- Honey! Hi! You made it!
- Mm-hm. Eat a dick.
380
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,285
- Sorry, sorry. Okay.
- Mm-mm.
381
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,768
- Wow, you look really, like...
- Don't. Just don't, all right?
382
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,207
Hi, Mom.
383
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,561
- Jesus.
Mm-hm.
384
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:37,725
And who's that?
385
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,730
Well, that's your daughter. Casey.
386
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,287
Hey.
387
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:43,766
Mm-hm.
388
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,286
I want 30,000 now.
389
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,127
- No fucking way.
- Okay. Have a safe flight.
390
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,291
What? No. Okay. Fine!
Fine. Bloodsucker.
391
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:56,405
Mm. All right, happy wife,
happy life. Hi, kids!
392
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,927
- Make room for your mother.
- Okay.
393
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,364
- Hey!
- Whoa! No, I didn't...!
394
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,530
What the fuck? Don't you ever think
that you can ever...
395
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,007
Family meeting. Let's go.
Get in the back. Go.
396
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:11,924
- I didn't mean to.
- I don't care.
397
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:16,210
- He just hit me in the fucking face.
- Will you march? No one wants to hear...
398
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,803
What the fuck?! Are you kidding me?
399
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,447
Oh, come on, relax, Dorothy. Jesus.
400
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,211
We're not at the border.
Who cares what they think?
401
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,324
It's about not drawing attention
to ourselves, you little hobo.
402
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,843
Hey! Don't talk to her like that.
403
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,120
Rose, relax, okay?
The only thing you need to worry about...
404
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,971
...is making them think you could
be someone's mother. Okay?
405
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,561
Are you kidding me?
I can do this shit in my sleep.
406
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:42,091
Excuse me.
407
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,807
Lord, we thank thee for the blessing
of this family vacation.
408
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,560
May David find his bliss
and bring us home back safely.
409
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,889
May Kenny and Casey fortify
their sibling bond...
410
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,209
...over the warm glow
of our devoted hearts.
411
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,241
And may this entire airplane
find safe passage...
412
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,488
...and a bountiful life.
413
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:05,366
Even the Jews.
414
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,210
- Amen.
- That was a good one.
415
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:09,890
That was beautiful.
416
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,367
- Oh.
- I wish my family was more like that.
417
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,244
Oh, stop. Don't.
418
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,887
No, no, no. Come on. Come in here.
Hug it out. Don't you cry.
419
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,206
Aw, honey.
420
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,571
Fuck you.
421
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,604
All better now? Okay.
422
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,925
Oh, and don't forget you can use Chex Mix
as a surprise casserole topping.
423
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,929
Adds that real special crunch.
424
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,009
- Wow, what a great tip.
- Sure!
425
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,366
Bye-bye.
426
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,288
Holy shit, where did that come from?
427
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,324
It's five summers with my Aunt Barb
in Oklahoma.
428
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,601
That was amazing.
429
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,564
Calm down. It wasn't that great.
430
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,321
Ah, goddamn it. Brad said the RV was
supposed to be out here waiting for us.
431
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,522
Anybody sees a camper, just let me know.
432
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:50,207
Whoa.
433
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,884
What the fuck is this?
434
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,206
This thing is ridiculous.
435
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:07,770
- Can you drive this?
- I don't know.
436
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,371
How fast does it go?
437
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,048
Why the hell are you reading that thing?
438
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,884
Because I like it. It's fun.
439
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,411
It's informative.
440
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,523
"It's fun." That's your idea of fun, huh?
441
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,371
I have a VCR manual from the '90s
you should check out.
442
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,325
- I think you'd probably enjoy that.
- Fireworks!
443
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,045
Oh, my God, guys, look!
444
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,851
Fireworks! Hey! Fireworks!
Pull over! There's fireworks!
445
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,684
We're not pulling over for fireworks.
446
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,281
- Oh, Oh, stern.
- What? It's Fourth of July weekend.
447
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,448
Don't be such a grumpy asshole. Pull over!
448
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:10,926
No. Absolutely not.
449
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,764
Oh, come on, I vote fireworks too.
450
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,970
See? Even this loser wants fireworks.
Fireworks!
451
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,481
- Fireworks! Fireworks!
- The kids wanna see fireworks.
452
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,600
Fireworks!
Fireworks! Fireworks!
453
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:21,846
Okay, enough!
454
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,767
Enough!
Let's get something straight right now!
455
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,883
You are not my kids! Okay?
456
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,647
You are not my wife!
And we are not a family!
457
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,285
All right? This is a job!
458
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,005
We are not the Brady Bunch!
459
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,925
I'm Marky Mark
and y'all are the Funky Bunch!
460
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,525
- The what?
- I'm the boss. You hear me?
461
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:48,647
So cut the shit! Otherwise, I will turn
this RV around immediately!
462
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,487
And we will drive straight home.
No drugs for anyone!
463
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,041
This vacation sucks.
464
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,605
You...
465
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,645
It is not a vacation!
466
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,603
There we go. You fucking happy? Come on.
467
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,201
Here we go. Everybody
just be cool. All right?
468
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,486
Hey there!
469
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,923
You got the Miller family here,
reporting for leisure, sir.
470
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,401
We're just heading down
to México way to do a...
471
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:35,888
Oh. Okay. Great. Fantastic. All right,
thank you. Take care, now. All right.
472
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:41,488
Whoo! Did you see that? I told you
this RV would work! We totally blend.
473
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,405
Congratulations. You
just snuck into Mexico.
474
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,527
What is this?
475
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,404
- A meth lab?
- It's Mexico, Casey.
476
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,364
That's a donkey, donkey, donkey.
477
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,088
- This RV blends right in, David.
- Will you calm down?
478
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,404
This thing is ginormous.
I mean, it's ridiculous.
479
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,441
You have
arrived at your destination.
480
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,483
The route guidance is now finished.
481
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,682
Are you sure these guys are expecting you?
482
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:17,604
Rose, we're good. All right?
483
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,162
Now will you calm down? These are
Brad's guys. Nothing to worry about.
484
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:22,964
Open Sesame. Here we go.
485
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:24,726
Hey!
486
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,408
Hey, I think that guy was in La Bamba.
487
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,124
Is that a little football over there?
That's fun. Soccer.
488
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,845
Kids are a good sign, I guess.
489
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,641
- Hey there.
- What is this place?
490
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,969
Will you look at this?
It's a cute little drug-dealing community.
491
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,804
They probably sell churros.
492
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,490
Will you relax?
493
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,842
It's fine. We're totally fine.
494
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:55,250
I'll run in, pick up a duffel bag, a suitcase
or something and we'll be on our way.
495
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,001
Hi. Now come on.
See, it's the welcome wagon.
496
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:00,440
Let me go talk to this guy.
497
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,121
Hola. Hola, big man, me llamo David.
498
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,641
Yeah, I'm here to pick
up for Brad Gurdlinger.
499
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,846
- Oh.
- He's got a gun.
500
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,247
- Oh, God.
- Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey!
501
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,927
- Oh, God.
- Palo Hacon! Palo Hacon!
502
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:18,485
Pablo Chacon?
503
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,406
Pablo Chacon. I'm here to pick up
for Pablo Chacon.
504
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,921
You are the White Gringo
with the haircut of a donkey.
505
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,929
Uh, yeah. Sí.
506
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,721
Yeah. Yeah, mucho white-o.
Very, very gringo. Yeah.
507
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,766
- Who are they?
- Um, that's my "family."
508
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,162
You know, uh, mi familia.
509
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,409
You know, helping me out here
with the deal. Yeah.
510
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,205
Yeah.
511
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,846
Yeah. I know, I can't believe it either.
512
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:50,920
Do you see his eye? Jesus Christ.
513
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,689
Come! Drugs now.
514
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,689
- Okay, great.
- What?
515
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,530
That's great. Let's do it. Okay.
516
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,607
All right, big fella, where's the smidge
of weed everyone's talking about?
517
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,085
- This is a little more than a smidge.
- Oh, dear.
518
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,964
Calm down. Okay?
We're gonna be fine.
519
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:21,571
Oh, yeah, sure, right.
520
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,684
All we're doing is smuggling
two metric tons of marijuana...
521
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:28,208
...across an international border
in a rented motor home!
522
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,451
I don't see what could possibly go wrong!
Ugh!
523
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,850
Okay, uh, I'm gonna
make a phone call real quick.
524
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,607
Kenny, watch the pot.
525
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:45,921
It's a great place.
526
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:47,851
Fuck you.
527
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,445
Hey. Buddy.
528
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:04,241
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
I'm like an amazing sculptor.
529
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,006
- What are you talking about?
- I've been working all day.
530
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:11,609
It's an orca and he's breaching
and I'm balls deep in his blow hole.
531
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:12,847
What the fuck?
532
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,087
Uh-oh, something wrong?
533
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,891
Yeah! Something's wrong.
Something's very, very wrong. Okay?
534
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,371
You said "a smidge of pot."
535
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,130
This is not a smidge.
536
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:21,770
- Smidge and a half? No?
- No.
537
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,129
You got me moving enough weed
to kill Willie-fucking-Nelson, man!
538
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:30,324
Okay? They're using a goddamn bucket
brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!
539
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:34,201
You walked in, told them you were picking
up for Pablo Chacon and they were like:
540
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,170
- "No problem!"
- Wait a minute.
541
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,403
Why do you sound surprised?
You told them we were coming, right?
542
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:40,607
Relax!
543
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,810
Everything's gonna be fine, man. I greased
the guard in lane one at the border.
544
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,731
He'll let you breeze through,
I'll see you in the morning!
545
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:49,251
I'll even buy you brunch.
546
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,284
Can I change the subject for a second?
547
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,283
If you get back and see the sculpture...
548
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,603
...you're gonna look at it and be like,
"Whoa, those balls are huge."
549
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,445
The balls are the only part
that are not anatomically correct.
550
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,130
Everything else is perfect.
551
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,444
But I made the balls a little larger
as a tribute to my manhood.
552
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:06,761
Fuck you, Brad.
553
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,888
That's the David I love!
554
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,611
Fuck you too! Come on, let's do this!
555
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,603
Ha, ha! I'll see you soon,
my little drug mule!
556
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,250
Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw...
557
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:17,721
Shit!
558
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,721
Oh, no. Thank you. I'm good.
559
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:27,845
You reject my mother's gift?
560
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,931
I mean, I don't know
whether I'd put it in those terms.
561
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,122
- Shut up and take the fruit.
- Right. Got it.
562
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:35,446
Thank you, ma'am.
563
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,489
- You wanna get us killed?
- What?
564
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:39,401
Namaste.
565
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:48,881
Whoa.
566
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,287
I think Snoop Dogg would fuck this fridge.
567
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:52,851
At least it keeps it fresh.
568
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:57,441
Well, as long as no one sets foot
inside the RV...
569
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,484
...looks through a window,
or weighs us...
570
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,171
- ...we should be pretty good.
- We'll be fine.
571
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,250
We're totally fucked.
572
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,369
Aw, shit. What the hell is this?
573
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,080
- What's it look like? It's a cop, genius.
- Be cool.
574
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,887
- Remember we're the Millers. Okay.
- Okay. Yeah. Okay. Cool.
575
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:35,487
- Oh. Buenos dias, officer.
- Hola.
576
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,445
I'm sorry if we were violating
some of your traffic laws.
577
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,883
You see, the family and I got into
a heated game of road bingo and...
578
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,122
- Cut the shit.
- I'm sorry?
579
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,846
I saw you leaving
Pablo Chacon's compound.
580
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,084
And we both know if I search
your mobile home, what I'd find.
581
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,282
Much prison time for such things.
582
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:53,811
Yeah. Yeah.
583
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,242
But I don't feel like arresting anybody...
584
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,762
...so I'll just simply take my bribe
and I'll be on my way.
585
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,083
Well, all right. Ha, ha.
586
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,769
This is what I'm talking about.
Great! How much we talking? 100? 200?
587
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,201
- One thousand.
- A thousand?
588
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,125
- Mm-hm.
- What, are you buying a house down here?
589
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,925
It's a lot. Um, we don't have
that sort of cash on us right now.
590
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,003
You see, that's gonna be a problem.
591
00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:23,366
Yeah, yeah.
592
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,928
Maybe you can offer me
something else. Say, uh...
593
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,328
...something a little more personal?
594
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,401
- Oh.
- Oh.
595
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,127
I gotcha. Rose, suck his dick.
596
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,442
Fuck you, I'm not sucking anything.
597
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,409
Come on. Will you be a team player?
598
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,246
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Will you stop being selfish?
599
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,761
Please, please, señora.
No need to be alarmed.
600
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:54,247
See, I'm, how you say, a man who
prefers the company of other men.
601
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,889
- Oh.
- Oh.
602
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,727
- David, suck his dick.
- Rose.
603
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,446
Five seconds tops. Just cradle the balls.
604
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,005
Mm.
605
00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:08,244
Come on, David. Be a team player.
You're gonna have fun.
606
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,650
Um...
607
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,045
Okay. Kenny! Front and center, buddy.
608
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:16,890
Uh...
609
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,360
Okay, so what's the plan?
610
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,330
Go up there and pretend to
and then you're gonna jump him?
611
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:22,806
The plan is, um...
612
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:24,240
Here. Come here, come here.
613
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,689
Okay, um, let's see.
You, you're this bottle cap.
614
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,690
Right? And I am this cigarette butt.
615
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,601
Okay, that's us. All right? Okay?
He's over there, right by this, that bush.
616
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,006
We'll make him the pebble.
617
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,886
You will go and meet him behind
the bush right over there.
618
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,128
You suck his dick,
and we get outta here.
619
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,840
- Okay? Bring it in, on three.
- What?! No!
620
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:46,724
What do you mean no? What's wrong?
621
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,605
- Well, I'm not gay.
- Are you sure?
622
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,682
I mean, you never really know
until you know.
623
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,287
- No. I'm not gay.
- Okay. All right. Calm down.
624
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:59,485
Look, this gay panic situation you're having
now, it's coming off a little homophobic.
625
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,401
What, because I don't want
a penis in my mouth?
626
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,046
Exactly. It's exactly
what homophobic means.
627
00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:08,847
Look, you go over there, you just,
you know, you pretend it's a girl's dick.
628
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:10,605
Any girl's dick you want.
629
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,565
- I'm not sure I agree with that logic.
- Look, listen to me.
630
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,171
- What is he saying to him?
- I have no idea.
631
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,402
All right? Just listen to me. All right?
632
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:20,726
Come on, man.
633
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,321
This is your chance to be the hero.
634
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,847
- I don't know, David.
- Don't do it for me.
635
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:30,442
Don't even do it for you.
Do it for the girls. For Rose and Casey.
636
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,689
Because, believe me, they won't last
two days in a Mexican prison.
637
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:37,844
- Okay.
- Attaboy!
638
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,128
- I'll do it for the girls.
- I'm proud of you.
639
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,088
Hey. What's going on?
640
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,851
Somebody sucking my dick,
or am I getting 1000 pesos?
641
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,610
No, he's gonna w...
642
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,806
- "Pesos"? Why didn't you say so?
- Mm-hm. A thousand.
643
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,083
Oh, well, that's like, what, 80 bucks
American?
644
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,601
Here. Here you go.
A hundred. Keep the change.
645
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,049
Can't believe you were gonna suck
that guy's dick. Come on, let's go.
646
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,688
All vehicles, please proceed
slowly in assigned lanes...
647
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,649
...and prepare for vehicle inspection.
648
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,011
Okay, here we go. This is it.
649
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:30,645
Kenny, grab the hats. Hurry.
650
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,646
You said the guard was just
gonna wave us through.
651
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:37,242
He will. But let's look the part so
the others don't get suspicious.
652
00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:45,730
What the fuck does this guy want?
653
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,649
I don't know. But he's honking.
654
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,920
- Hi!
- Just ignore them.
655
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:55,689
Okay, he's really honking and it's making a huge scene.
I think he just wants to say hi.
656
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,450
Oh, my God. I don't wanna say hi.
657
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,927
They're just waving. If we just wave,
he'll stop.
658
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:01,849
Fine. I'll say hi. Fine.
659
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:03,687
- Hi!
- Hi!
660
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,969
Howdy-doody! Quite a rig you got there,
amigo.
661
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:11,290
That is quite a rig
you guys have there too.
662
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,960
Well, thank you very kindly.
We do love her.
663
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:17,323
We don't take her out as often as
we used to when our girl was small.
664
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:22,288
It can be such a bear to carve out quality
family time but you gotta do it, don't you?
665
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,608
Yeah, David and Rose Miller here.
666
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:25,926
Oh.
667
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,806
This is my daughter, Casey, right here.
And my son, Kenny.
668
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,371
- How handsome.
- Pleased to make your acquaintance.
669
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,245
Don Fitzgerald,
my smoldering wife, Edith...
670
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,249
...and our daughter. Say hi, Melissa.
671
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,120
- Lane one, please pull forward.
- Oh.
672
00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:53,686
Sir. Sir, please pull forward.
673
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,206
I got a joint here.
674
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:01,322
- Shut down lane one.
- It's medicinal.
675
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,005
- What'd he say?
- He has a joint.
676
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:04,645
That's it?
677
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:08,887
- Hide it.
- Okay.
678
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,844
Get rid of it! Oh, my God!
679
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:12,485
Holy shit.
680
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,843
- Oh, that was so close.
- You have a baby!
681
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,011
- Oh, I love babies!
- Oh.
682
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,771
Oh, look at that gorgeous
little bundle of joy!
683
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,128
What's that beautiful little baby's name?
684
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,043
- This is our little...
- LeBron.
685
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,010
- Name's LeBron.
- Yup.
686
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,487
- Oh.
- A little French fella.
687
00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:32,767
It's our little LeBron.
688
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,407
I was against the name at first, but
the missus has a real soft spot...
689
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,760
...for prima donnas who'll never
be as good as Jordan.
690
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,405
I can't see the face.
691
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:45,005
- I'm dying to see his face.
- Sir, pull forward to lane two.
692
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,489
- Oh, fuck! Okay, put on the hats.
- You gotta pull over.
693
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,081
- Here we go.
- Great.
694
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,331
- My God, I feel like a fucking idiot.
- That's the idea.
695
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:59,889
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Everybody smile
and follow my lead, all right?
696
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,010
I'm gonna take us to the promised land.
Here we go. Here we go.
697
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:06,485
Steady.
698
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:09,202
- Steady.
- Shit.
699
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,289
Shh. Shh, shh. I got this one.
700
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:22,646
Okay. Everybody just smile. Everybody
be cool. Here we go. Follow my lead. Ahem.
701
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,921
You bringing anything
into the United States, sir?
702
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,360
Yuh...
703
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,571
Sir, are you bringing any contraband
back into the United States?
704
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:32,807
Um...
705
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:34,240
- Sir?
- David!
706
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,525
Folks, I need you to pull over and exit the
vehicle, please.
707
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,847
- But...
- Sir, is that actually necessary?
708
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,208
I mean, these kids
are pooped and we've just...
709
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,290
I need everybody out of this
recreational vehicle immediately.
710
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,131
- I'll just put the baby down.
- We'll put the baby away.
711
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:58,406
Bring the child, pull over to the secondary
inspection area and exit the vehicle now!
712
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:00,965
- Okay.
- Good.
713
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:05,840
It's okay. It's all right.
714
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:07,923
It's okay, baby. It's just a puppy.
715
00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:09,960
Stand down.
716
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,042
All right. It's okay.
717
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:17,601
Before I search the vehicle, is there
anything you wanna tell me about?
718
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,370
Because after I open that door...
719
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:21,440
...I can't help you.
720
00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:30,722
Last chance. I'm gonna search this vehicle
top to bottom.
721
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:32,487
All right.
722
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:36,681
We got runners!
723
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,684
We got runners!
724
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,165
Sorry to inconvenience you, folks.
This happens a lot.
725
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,771
You have a nice day.
726
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,448
Go. Go, go!
727
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:14,968
Ah. Well, that was fucking easy!
728
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,010
- Oh, my God.
- God!
729
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:19,247
Whoo! We did it!
730
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:23,002
Nicely done, Millers! Give it up!
Very good job. Here you go.
731
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,806
Rose! Yeah! David! There you go!
732
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:30,483
We are all officially international drug
smugglers. Add it to the resume.
733
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,524
Ha, ha.
How about a little victory music, huh?
734
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:38,921
Oh, no, no, no.
735
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:41,407
- Don't change it. I love this song.
- Me too.
736
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,126
What? I didn't even like this song
when it was popular.
737
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:45,731
Come on, loosen up, David.
738
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,407
Please stick to the rivers
739
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,762
And the lakes that you're used to
740
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,047
Don't do this.
741
00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:57,608
What? This isn't even
a good victory song.
742
00:42:57,840 --> 00:42:59,842
No, stop. We are not doing this.
743
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,169
This is embarrassing. Stop.
744
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:05,726
Ah, come on.
745
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:10,009
I seen a rainbow yesterday
But too many storms have come and gone
746
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,407
Leavin' a trace of not one God-given ray
Is it because my life is 10 shades of gray
747
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:13,647
What the fuck?
748
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:17,603
I pray all 10 fade away
Seldom praise him for the sunny days
749
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,689
You claim the insane
And name this place in time
750
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:23,282
For fallin' prey to crime, I swear
The system got you victim to your own mind
751
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,484
Dreams are hopeless aspirations
In hopes of comin' true
752
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,728
Believe in yourself
The rest is up to me and
753
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,651
Don't go chasin' waterfalls
754
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,286
- Whoo!
- Whoo, yeah, Kenny!
755
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,050
Where did you learn to do that?
756
00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:37,685
Yeah, whatever.
757
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:02,847
Señor Chacon.
758
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,529
We were not expecting you.
759
00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:10,645
I decided to bring the gringo myself
to make sure everything goes as planned.
760
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,925
But the gringo has already left with the
shipment, señor.
761
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,281
What gringo?
762
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,448
The gringo with the haircut of a donkey.
763
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,727
You mean this gringo
with the haircut of a donkey.
764
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,000
I have failed you, señor.
765
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,726
If you saw this gringo again would you
recognize him?
766
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,924
He was driving an RV with his family.
767
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,691
Get in the car.
768
00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:55,688
Oh, how fast are you going?
769
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,564
Calm down, I'm going the speed limit.
We won't get pulled over.
770
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:03,600
No, no. I mean, loaded down like this
in a 15-ton vehicle...
771
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,161
...going up a 10 percent grade.
772
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,890
Just use your head, David.
I don't think you think things through.
773
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,562
- What?
- Weight distribution loading and towing.
774
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:15,921
- See?
- Yeah, I do.
775
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,451
I thought this plan through.
776
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:19,881
- Seems to be working out.
- Oh, great.
777
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:23,485
Oh, Shit!
778
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:27,524
Seriously. God...!
779
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,088
Was this part of your plan, David?
780
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:38,361
Damn it.
781
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,570
- Wait, what are we gonna do now?
- I don't kno...
782
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:43,040
I can't even get a signal.
783
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,491
No shit. We're in the fucking middle of
nowhere, dude.
784
00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:48,370
Oh, gee, thank you, Casey.
785
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,166
Thank you for your amazing problem
solving skills. So helpful.
786
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:52,646
Whoa. Hey, what are you doing?
787
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,287
I'm not gonna stand on the side of the
road next to an RV filled with pot.
788
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:57,806
I'm gonna try to find help.
789
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:01,163
- Yeah, fuck this. I'm going with her. Bye.
- What?
790
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,006
- Wait up!
- Ugh. Ridiculous!
791
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:08,247
Okay. Actually, that's fine. Good idea.
Okay, hurry back though, please.
792
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:11,887
"Oh, I have a plan." Really? Good plan.
You don't have any plans.
793
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:15,806
Women, am I right?
794
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:18,530
Shut the fuck up, Kenny.
795
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:24,401
And he's so smug. Ugh.
He drives me crazy.
796
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:25,931
Well, yeah, he's an idiot.
797
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,487
No, he's not an idiot.
He's actually kind of smart.
798
00:46:28,720 --> 00:46:29,926
Why are you defending him?
799
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,327
I'm not defending him.
I'm just saying that he...
800
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:36,286
Have you seen where we are?
This whole plan is so stupid.
801
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:37,646
Oh, really?
802
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:41,128
What golden advice did you follow that
ended with you on the streets?
803
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,648
I don't live on the streets, okay?
I crash with friends.
804
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,922
Ah. Okay. I see.
805
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,885
So you were kind of between
couches when David and Kenny found you.
806
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,242
Are you gonna lecture me?
Seriously, I'll puke.
807
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:54,169
You know what, I'm not lecturing you.
808
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,011
Okay, good. Because I don't
need advice from a stripper.
809
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,240
All right, you know what you little shit?
I swear...
810
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:01,771
What the hell is this?
811
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,970
Well, look at this
cute little couple of hitchhikers.
812
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:07,571
We're here to save your bacon.
813
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,246
Saddle up, little ladies. Ha-ha-ha!
814
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,442
Hey. Hi, what's going on?
815
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:16,241
They pulled up right after you guys left.
They're gonna tow us to a mechanic.
816
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,363
They keeping asking to hold
the weed baby.
817
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,921
All right, all right, calm down. Okay.
818
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:24,602
Just calm down, all right? I got this.
Watch.
819
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,443
I'm holding that baby.
820
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:30,769
Edie, you will, I promise,
but it's nap time for LeBron.
821
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:32,041
Come on, guys, let's go.
822
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,409
All aboard the Fitzgerald Express.
Honk, honk!
823
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,080
- Ha-ha-ha!
- Toot, toot!
824
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,566
It's like we're pretending it's a train,
but it's not.
825
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:50,530
- Surrounded by goblins.
- Okay.
826
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:51,966
Oh, Oh, Oh!
827
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:54,766
One more sec, okay? Hold on,
one second. Don't freak.
828
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:56,680
When you're a synchronized swimmer...
829
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,081
...you can't use a maxi pad,
you can see it.
830
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,123
So my friend bought me a box of tampins.
831
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,846
And I'll tell you, I had
a hard time inserting those.
832
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,122
- It would just stick halfway out.
- Mm-hm.
833
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,280
- It was just like a Roman candle.
- Mm-hm.
834
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,569
And that is how I found out
I was born with a shallow vagina.
835
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:17,570
- That was such a detailed story, Edie.
- Thank you!
836
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:22,448
You gotta do a one-woman show.
It's, like, so many layers, you know?
837
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,687
So, what's your story, David?
838
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:27,729
- What do you mean?
- How'd you two meet?
839
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:30,486
Ah! Honey, tell her.
840
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,251
And don't leave out
any of the romantic parts.
841
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:34,931
Okay. All right.
842
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,248
Where did we first meet. Um...
843
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:38,805
It's great.
844
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:42,641
Well, that would have been when Rose
moved into my apartment building.
845
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,683
- Ah. That's right.
- Mm-hm.
846
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:49,443
I remember watching her through the
crack in my door as she was...
847
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:50,926
Wait, you were spying on me?
848
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,885
Now, hon, just because you've heard it
a thousand times...
849
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,287
...doesn't mean you should interrupt.
Don't be rude.
850
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,002
All right. Proceed.
851
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:01,410
But, yeah, I was spying on her.
852
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,967
She was unloading this U-Haul
all by herself.
853
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:08,485
I wanna go help her, but I don't wanna come
off like I'm hitting on her, because...
854
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,924
...you know, I'd like to hit on her
maybe at some point.
855
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,282
And, uh...
856
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:20,884
...she was wearing these little navy
blue Chuck Taylors and these jean shorts.
857
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,606
No pockets on the back,
however that happened.
858
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:27,043
And this, uh, Tom Waits T-shirt.
859
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:28,969
I was like, "Oh, that's cool."
860
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:30,685
Because I love Tom Waits.
861
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:32,803
And she just looked beautiful.
862
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,002
If you're into that kind of mean,
pretty thing.
863
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:43,607
So, anyway, uh...
864
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:48,488
...she starts to bring up this really big
weird-looking painting up the stairs.
865
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:52,526
And I'm like, "Okay, here's my shot."
All right, so I go outside...
866
00:49:52,720 --> 00:49:56,042
...and I help her with it.
I'm trying to, at least.
867
00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:57,969
She looks at me and goes: "Stop it!"
868
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,527
- She just snaps at me.
- You started yanking at it.
869
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,683
Next thing you know, it's a tug of war...
870
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,087
...pulling it back
and forth and out of nowhere...
871
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,443
His fat fist
goes right through the canvas.
872
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,803
- But it was an accident.
- Doesn't matter! You ruined my painting.
873
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,924
Okay. Honestly, I really think
you should've thanked me.
874
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:17,202
Yeah, because that painting
was hideous.
875
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,331
My grandfather painted that painting.
876
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:24,330
And it was my favorite thing
in the entire world.
877
00:50:25,720 --> 00:50:28,690
So we get in this screaming
match in front of the whole building.
878
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:31,207
And everybody comes out
and is watching it.
879
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:33,608
I mean, from that moment,
we hated each other.
880
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:35,285
Oh, man.
881
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:40,366
- And then you fell in love. Oh!
- Yeah. Then we fell in love.
882
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:44,610
- Ha, ha!
- Hey, now. I think this is our exit.
883
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:47,280
David, could you grab me the map
out of the glove box?
884
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:49,131
Yes, sir.
885
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:52,611
- Whoa. Whoa. Uh...
- Whoa!
886
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,770
Oh, hey, sorry about that, buddy.
Didn't mean to scare you there.
887
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:57,803
That's just my service pistol and badge.
888
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,082
Oh. Your badge.
889
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,126
- Are you a cop?
- No, no, no.
890
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:04,970
No? Oh, God.
891
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:07,286
- I'm in the DEA.
- Oh.
892
00:51:13,240 --> 00:51:16,130
Yeah, my Don has been an agent for the
last 22 years.
893
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,004
On a bit of a hiatus at the moment.
894
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,090
They took him out of the field,
he wasn't aggressive enough.
895
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,487
- That's enough.
- I'm sorry. It's not right, Don.
896
00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:26,769
Those young guns aren't half the
agent you are, those crumb-bums.
897
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:29,486
Edith, you know how I feel
about your cussing.
898
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,889
- I'm sorry, Don.
- Edith can be a little hot-blooded at times.
899
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,890
- I'm 1/8 Italian, so...
- Oh. It's okay.
900
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:40,840
Uh, hey, if you guys will excuse me.
901
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:42,849
- Wanna join me?
- Where are you off to?
902
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:45,361
- We're gonna check on the baby.
- Gonna take a dump.
903
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,927
- Check the baby's dumps.
- That's what we should say.
904
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:51,209
- Yeah, just go check on Lebanon.
- LeBron. His name's LeBron.
905
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:55,007
He just has a terrible tummy.
And it's just bad diarrhea stuff.
906
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:56,531
Do we still have cornstarch?
907
00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:58,961
Yeah, there's
cornstarch for his bottom.
908
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:00,844
- Family meeting.
- Yep.
909
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:03,683
I'm getting my hands on that baby.
910
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,322
He's a narc?
Are you fucking kidding me?!
911
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:12,002
Stop panicking! We haven't done anything
suspicious yet, so just relax!
912
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:15,648
Oh, really? Okay. What about when they
wanna hold our precious weed baby?
913
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,171
Give me the baby, all right?
914
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,721
I'll handle it if it happens.
I'll take care of it.
915
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:23,481
Right now, all we have to do is
get away from that fucked up family.
916
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:25,490
Oh, fuck. Why are we stopping?
917
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,162
They heard us. They heard us.
Fuck, we're going to jail.
918
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,042
No, no, no.
We're just at the garage, okay?
919
00:52:34,240 --> 00:52:37,210
Everybody calm down. We haven't
done anything. You're right.
920
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,927
I'll ditch this guy real fast. We're gonna
get in and get out of here, okay?
921
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:43,771
Game face, okay?
Miller time. Here we go.
922
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:46,684
No other repair shops nearby?
923
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:51,010
Run by a Christian and open after
supper on a Saturday night? No, sir.
924
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:54,887
Ah, shoot. I'd give you the hose out
of our rig and send you on your way...
925
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:56,764
...but we'd be stranded ourselves.
926
00:52:57,240 --> 00:53:00,164
Besides, this way we can all get to
know each other better.
927
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:02,727
- What's happening?
- They're closed till morning.
928
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:04,531
Oklahoma.
929
00:53:05,240 --> 00:53:06,287
Oh, God.
930
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,086
You folks can make camp with the
Fitzgeralds tonight.
931
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:13,330
I know a great spot. We'll set up the old
tents and you can bed down in our Winni.
932
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:16,126
- I'll give you a hand with your gear.
- No, no, no.
933
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,368
That's okay.
Millers carry their own weight.
934
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,564
- I knew I liked you, David.
- Kenny, you wanna get our shit?
935
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:24,601
- Hey.
- This will be a hoot.
936
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:28,289
I'll watch your little one so you and your
man can have some snuggle time.
937
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:30,960
- I don't want you to have to...
- I am good with babies.
938
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:33,561
Nonsense! Oh, give me the baby.
Give me that baby!
939
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:46,047
Shit!
940
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:48,527
Oh, my God!
941
00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:51,768
Oh, my God!
942
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:55,649
Oh, my God.
Why isn't there blood?!
943
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:58,730
Oh, my God! What's happening?
944
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:02,931
Thanks a lot, Mom. Now what am I
supposed to use for my health project?
945
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,361
I'm gonna fail and have to go to
community college.
946
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,131
- My future's ruined!
- Honey.
947
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:10,323
Mrs. Fitzgerald, are you all right?
948
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,842
- That baby was...?
- Oh, did you think that LeBron was...?
949
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:17,886
Heh-heh-heh.
- No, no, no. LeBron was a sack of herbs.
950
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:19,684
Oregano and basil mostly.
951
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,611
We were just treating it like
a real baby, a summer project.
952
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,121
- Extra credit.
- It teaches the students that...
953
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:27,000
...nothing ruins your life like children.
954
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:31,162
Yeah. And it also sends that message
to teens, just stick to the big A.
955
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:33,169
- Yeah, anal.
- Abstinence, you meant.
956
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,243
- Neither makes a baby.
- He confuses them.
957
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:39,850
Anyway, I'm so sorry, Edie.
We promised our Casey...
958
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,641
...that we would treat it like a real baby
all summer and we went too far.
959
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:44,927
Got used to it. Sorry.
960
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:46,681
And so I'm embarrassed, actually.
961
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:48,530
I think that would scare anybody.
962
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:52,048
She's very emotional. You should have
seen her at the end of Free Willy.
963
00:54:52,240 --> 00:54:53,446
Oh, stop it, Don.
964
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:57,291
I love that whale.
965
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,126
Well, who loves campfire games?
966
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,123
Oh, Don.
967
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:07,081
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's my pleasure to welcome you...
968
00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:10,409
...to the annual
singing Fitzgerald family jamboree.
969
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,368
Our usual guests couldn't
be here this year.
970
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:17,207
- Uh, they're called the Osmond family.
- Ha-ha-ha!
971
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:25,204
But in their place this year we have the
very talented and wonderful Miller family.
972
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:29,801
Let's get this party started
with a Fitzgerald family favorite.
973
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,244
Breakin' rocks in the hot sun
974
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:39,760
I fought the law and the law won
975
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:41,251
It always does.
976
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:44,728
I needed to steal some money
'Cause I had none
977
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,167
I fought the law and the law won
978
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:48,407
Now just the Millers.
979
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:52,042
I fought the law and the law won
980
00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:55,722
I fought the law and the law won
981
00:55:56,680 --> 00:56:00,685
I want you to imagine you committed a felony,
you've been tried and sent to prison...
982
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:04,561
...and you're standing out in the sun
breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. And...
983
00:56:04,720 --> 00:56:07,644
I fought the law and the law won
984
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,650
I fought the law and the law won
985
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:12,719
- All right, that's great.
- That's good.
986
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:15,166
- That's fun. Great song.
- I love it. That was great.
987
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:16,890
Great choice.
988
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:20,362
- Great, kids.
- Well, that was an A for effort.
989
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:23,166
- Whoo! I got the spirit!
- That's great.
990
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:24,600
It's a bird, it's a plane.
991
00:56:24,720 --> 00:56:27,724
- U.S. Air Force, U.S. Air Force. Ollie North!
- Take me home to...
992
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:29,291
Looks like a sea animal.
993
00:56:29,720 --> 00:56:30,846
Hammer tooth shark.
994
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:35,602
We wait until they fall asleep and then
we sneak into their tent, all right?
995
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:37,723
Mm. Cut their throats.
996
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:40,369
- What?
- What?
997
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:42,369
No. Jesus.
998
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:44,569
- What the fuck's wrong with you?
- Nothing.
999
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:48,242
I wasn't saying to do that. I didn't say that.
I thought you were gonna it.
1000
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,841
You thought I was gonna say
"cut their throats"?
1001
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,681
Who do you think I am, Scarface?
Give me a break.
1002
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:55,760
- Herbert Walker Bush!
- Paper airplanes!
1003
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:57,651
Clowns. Clown sandwich.
1004
00:56:57,840 --> 00:56:59,444
Don't lock the baby in the basement.
1005
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:02,729
What I was gonna say: We sneak
into the tent, steal Don's keys...
1006
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,686
...then we take the RV back to the shop and I
can swap out their radiator hose for ours.
1007
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:08,928
Ah. Got it.
1008
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:11,885
- The Earth! The Earth is on fire!
- Atmosphere.
1009
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:13,366
Uh...
1010
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:14,686
Plain and simple.
1011
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:16,484
AI Qaeda! AI Qaeda!
1012
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:19,640
It was "plain and simple."
1013
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:25,131
- See, this was a plane, and then this w...
- Oh, Melissa, of course it was.
1014
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:26,720
That is so clever.
1015
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:28,689
Gosh, I thought it was really good.
1016
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:31,243
I'm a terrible drawer, so...
1017
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:34,329
- Great, because you're up next.
- Ah.
1018
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:38,408
- Passing the baton.
- Nice work.
1019
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:40,441
Okay. Let's go, Kenny.
1020
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:42,369
All right, Kenny, here we go.
1021
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:44,887
- Draw your brains out.
- All right, that's a line.
1022
00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:47,242
- A slash. Guns and Roses.
- Looks like a spring.
1023
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:50,529
What is that? That's a... Kenny,
come on, draw something, buddy.
1024
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:51,846
- String.
- Come on, son.
1025
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:54,566
- Rocket. It's a rocket or...
- Is that a cucumber?
1026
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:56,046
This is really stupid.
1027
00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:58,886
Is it a bad drawing, Kenny?
My guess is "bad drawing."
1028
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:02,643
- It's...
- Oh! A penis! A penis.
1029
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,249
It's a big dick. Those are balls.
1030
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:09,649
It's a big black dick! It's a drawing.
Black! It's a big black dick.
1031
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:12,887
It's a big, big black cock!
1032
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:14,801
Black Cock Down!
1033
00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:21,200
It's a skateboard.
1034
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:24,245
- It's a skateboard, great.
- A skateboard. Of course it is.
1035
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:27,364
- It's a big black skateboard.
- I see it.
1036
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:30,604
Of course. It's very clear.
But, you see, it was up... There's...
1037
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:34,043
Its wheels, so I didn't see it
down on the ground, and then it...
1038
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,651
Black Cock Down? Black Cock Down?
1039
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:43,491
Nice job, Meryl Streep.
Very subtle character work.
1040
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:45,682
Not my fault that Kenny can't draw.
1041
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:47,564
Don't you pick on Kenny.
1042
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,161
Nothing about that
looked like a skateboard.
1043
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:53,204
You leave him alone.
Where the hell's Kenny?
1044
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,482
- You guys, come here.
- What?
1045
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,364
- What's going on?
- Look at these two.
1046
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,403
- Aww.
Uh-oh.
1047
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,811
- Guess I'm not the best drawer.
- No, you were great.
1048
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,048
- I knew that was a skateboard.
- Yeah.
1049
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:10,324
- I don't know where the confusion was.
- No, I... That...
1050
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:12,130
Yeah.
1051
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:16,089
I, um, really like your family.
They're, uh...
1052
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:19,881
- They're different.
- Well, they're not my family. I mean...
1053
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:21,570
Yeah, no, I get what you mean.
1054
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,683
- She wants him to kiss her.
- Absolutely.
1055
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:27,202
- She does, right?
- And sometimes I feel like I'm adopted...
1056
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:29,528
...or an alien, you know, or something.
1057
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,644
Right. That's what I meant. Um...
1058
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:35,406
But also, you know, I
would totally adopt you.
1059
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:37,126
You know, um...
1060
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:41,928
Not that I wanna be your daddy.
I just, uh...
1061
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,607
- He's talking too much.
- He won't shut up.
1062
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:48,326
Uh, well, good night.
1063
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:52,324
- I'll see you.
- Okay. Um...
1064
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:53,961
Fucking hug.
1065
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:55,241
Okay.
1066
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:57,727
And, uh, Melissa?
1067
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:01,604
- Yeah?
- Uh, watch out for bears.
1068
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:05,407
Um, you know. Can't see them coming.
1069
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:07,286
Good tip.
1070
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:16,850
That poor kid.
Well, you should go talk to him.
1071
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:18,486
Who?
1072
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,321
I said you should go...
Well, who do you think?
1073
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,403
Me? What the hell am I gonna say?
1074
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:25,329
Talk to him about guy stuff.
1075
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,929
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Come on, how hard is it? Just go.
1076
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:37,170
- Hey, man, how you doing?
- Hey.
1077
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:39,402
- Anybody sitting here?
- Uh, no.
1078
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:42,649
Well, good, good, good, good.
All right.
1079
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:45,491
So, um...
1080
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:49,524
...I saw what just happened
with you and Melissa.
1081
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:51,924
- Oh.
- Um...
1082
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:56,802
You know, you don't have to be scared to
kiss a girl. Heh-heh.
1083
01:00:57,040 --> 01:01:01,329
I mean, you damn near sucked a guy's dick
nine hours ago. What are you shy now for?
1084
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:03,644
That's not funny, David.
1085
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,130
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1086
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,048
It was a bad joke. Ahem.
1087
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,085
You wanna know something I used
to do when I was your age...
1088
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:19,487
...kept me from
getting nervous around girls?
1089
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,443
- Yeah.
- I would just count to three.
1090
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:26,283
- Count to three?
- Yeah.
1091
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:29,571
- That's your big advice? Count to three?
- Yeah.
1092
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:33,970
I mean, if you ever wanna kiss a girl
or ask her to go out, or I mean...
1093
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,687
Actually, if you get scared of anything,
just do this: just count to three...
1094
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:39,251
...and then do it.
1095
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:44,762
Because if you take too long, you overthink
it and you'll just drive yourself crazy.
1096
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:46,803
Trust me, it'll change your life.
1097
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:49,924
I guess that makes sense.
1098
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:53,527
- Thanks.
- Yeah. No problem.
1099
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:57,122
And, you know, if you have any other
questions...
1100
01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:59,288
...about, like, the birds and the bees...
1101
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:02,171
...who puts what into where,
any of that fun stuff...
1102
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:05,006
...just don't hesitate to ask, okay?
1103
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:06,287
- Okay.
- Okay.
1104
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:08,040
- Good talk.
- Yeah, good talk.
1105
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:10,003
Oh, my back.
1106
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:12,927
- So old.
- Yeah.
1107
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:39,883
Wait. You go in.
I'll keep a lookout, okay? Good.
1108
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:43,721
Fuck you. This was your idea.
You're going the fuck in there.
1109
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:45,570
Why are you yelling at me?
1110
01:02:45,760 --> 01:02:47,808
I am not yelling at you.
1111
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:50,446
Okay. Okay.
1112
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:53,560
Watch.
1113
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:10,531
Bin Laden!
1114
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:13,205
What's happening? Is it raccoons?
1115
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:15,641
God.
1116
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:17,690
You were right about them, Edith.
1117
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:19,644
- No. I'm so sorry.
- Let me explain.
1118
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:21,251
This is completely explainable.
1119
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:23,721
- A misunderstanding.
- We didn't mean to do this.
1120
01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:27,760
- You just have to understand something.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
1121
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:33,442
We have never done anything like this with
another couple before.
1122
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:35,651
Uh-huh.
1123
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:38,446
That's no judgment on you.
We're no squares.
1124
01:03:38,640 --> 01:03:40,802
- I own a vibrator.
- That's right, she does.
1125
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:43,360
- Awesome.
- I wasn't for it at first.
1126
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:46,450
The darn thing's made in China,
for cripes' sake...
1127
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:51,362
...but when you've been married this long
you look for anything to spice things up.
1128
01:03:51,560 --> 01:03:55,406
So, of course we've discussed a scenario
like this.
1129
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:59,725
Yes. And tonight when you brought up
that big black "babymaker"...
1130
01:04:00,720 --> 01:04:02,848
- Well, we got it.
- Loud and clear.
1131
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:05,361
Our vibrator is named "Joe Morgan."
1132
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:08,724
We were picking up
what you were putting down.
1133
01:04:09,080 --> 01:04:11,048
- Same page.
- Interesting.
1134
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:15,330
We're very flattered by this, but right
now, in the middle of the night...
1135
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:18,922
...I'm not sure I'm really ready for it.
Aw, Don.
1136
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:21,447
Got it. Totally understood. Not a problem.
1137
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,005
We just had to ask. So...
1138
01:04:23,200 --> 01:04:24,486
Wait. I have an idea.
1139
01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:31,008
Okay. Maybe I could take
a baby step tonight.
1140
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:33,771
I mean, my mouth is for my marriage.
1141
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,924
But I've never touched
another woman before.
1142
01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:43,328
I would be okay with that. Yeah.
1143
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:45,087
Oh, great.
1144
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:47,200
Rose?
1145
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,487
- There you go.
- Okay. All right, I'm sitting.
1146
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:52,171
- Are you okay?
- David.
1147
01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:55,370
- Mother to mother, is this okay with you?
- Yes. "Mother." Yes.
1148
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:57,881
- Are you sure?
- Let's get this mother started.
1149
01:04:58,120 --> 01:05:00,521
- Shall we? Okay.
- Ha-ha-ha!
1150
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:03,764
- Okay, Don, are you watching?
- I'm good.
1151
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:06,563
Okay. Uh, wow.
1152
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:09,411
My heart's pounding
so fast in my chest.
1153
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:12,251
- Ahem. So I guess we're swinging.
- Hmm? Oh, yeah.
1154
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:14,283
Ooh. Ha, ha.
1155
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:15,925
Sorry that I'm taking so long.
1156
01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:18,202
Hello. Ha-ha-ha!
1157
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,889
Okay, I'm just gonna do it real fast.
There we go.
1158
01:05:23,600 --> 01:05:25,011
- There they are.
- There they are.
1159
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:28,488
- Wow! Wow!
- It's happening. This is happening.
1160
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:32,563
Don, are you looking at this?
I'm touching her boobs.
1161
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:35,008
- This is a miracle.
- Okey-doke.
1162
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:38,483
- Would you like to feel my breasts?
- I think that's enough for tonight.
1163
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:40,489
- You're right.
- Don't give away the farm.
1164
01:05:40,680 --> 01:05:42,444
- A little roughhouse?
- We should wait.
1165
01:05:43,280 --> 01:05:45,408
- Are you okay down there?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1166
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:47,011
Have fun tonight, kids.
1167
01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:52,285
- Awesome.
- I'm never gonna wash these hands.
1168
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:53,845
Mwah, mwah, mwah!
1169
01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:55,640
Thank you so much.
1170
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:58,080
- Good night. That was great.
- Okay, bye, guys.
1171
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:00,202
Great. What now, genius?
1172
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:02,408
- Tell me... What?
- Oh, Oh, oh. I don't know.
1173
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:04,090
I just got earfucked in a tent.
1174
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:07,050
If you let her finger bang you
they would have given us the keys.
1175
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:09,965
Oh, really? Why don't you go
suck Don's dick for them...
1176
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:13,329
...and then you get the keys?
He was certainly loving on those earlobes.
1177
01:06:13,480 --> 01:06:16,882
Okay, look. First, unlike you, I only
suck a man's dick if I'm in love, okay?
1178
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:18,724
That's kind of a personal rule I have.
1179
01:06:18,880 --> 01:06:21,167
- Yeah, and secondly... And secondly...
- What?
1180
01:06:24,160 --> 01:06:27,289
I don't have a second one.
I don't know where I was going with that.
1181
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:29,329
Fucking idiot.
1182
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:31,883
Oh, I thought of one. I got one.
1183
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:38,048
Here comes Joe Morgan up to the plate.
1184
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:40,811
Oh, Don.
1185
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:47,481
Okay, what?
1186
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:50,891
What? What do you mean?
1187
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:52,445
Do you wanna talk about it...
1188
01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:55,405
...or mope around like
someone kicked you in the vagina?
1189
01:06:57,400 --> 01:06:59,323
Okay. Um...
1190
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:01,568
Well, I've never really like...
1191
01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:03,922
Had sex before. Shocker.
1192
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:05,650
Kissed a girl before.
1193
01:07:06,240 --> 01:07:09,608
Wait, what? I thought you said
you were like 18.
1194
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,401
- Okay, you know what, forget it.
- Okay, okay, wait. Okay.
1195
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:15,604
Come on. Sit down.
Don't need to be so dramatic.
1196
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:18,411
Look, it's okay
that you haven't kissed a girl.
1197
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:20,807
I'm sure there are some girls...
1198
01:07:21,000 --> 01:07:22,764
...who I've never met...
1199
01:07:23,200 --> 01:07:25,567
...that find inexperience
kind of sweet.
1200
01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:30,163
I don't wanna be a sweet, inexperienced
guy who's never been worth kissing.
1201
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:35,648
I wanna be the guy who grabs a girl
and kisses her. You know?
1202
01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:41,445
Okay, let me make one thing clear.
1203
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:44,689
This isn't one of those moments
where the girl kisses the boy...
1204
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:47,884
...and realizes she's been in love with him
the whole time, okay?
1205
01:07:48,720 --> 01:07:50,848
You're my fake brother
and you're a sweet kid...
1206
01:07:51,080 --> 01:07:53,560
...so this is for you
to bring back to Melissa.
1207
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:55,888
- What is?
- I'm gonna kiss you, dingus.
1208
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:58,245
Oh.
1209
01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:02,491
- What are you doing? Shut your eyes.
- Okay, sorry. Right.
1210
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:04,927
That's weird. That's really weird.
1211
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:07,168
- Sorry.
- All right. Ahem.
1212
01:08:12,800 --> 01:08:14,962
That was okay.
Now more tongue.
1213
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,401
Tongue. I can do that.
1214
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:22,287
Too much tongue. Too much tongue.
1215
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:26,088
Right. Too much...
Yeah, that's my fault. My bad. Sorry.
1216
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:29,201
Less tongue.
1217
01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:35,767
That was good.
1218
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:39,884
All right, now this time, I want you
to choke me a little bit.
1219
01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:44,051
- Uh, okay.
- Whoa. What's going on here?
1220
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:45,730
Uh, it's...
1221
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:48,844
- We're not doing what it looks like.
- Really?
1222
01:08:49,080 --> 01:08:51,731
It looks like Casey's
teaching you how to kiss out of pity.
1223
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:53,081
Mm-hm.
1224
01:08:53,280 --> 01:08:55,851
Uh, well, then it is what
it looks like, yeah.
1225
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:57,486
Really.
1226
01:08:57,840 --> 01:08:59,285
What did you teach him?
1227
01:08:59,480 --> 01:09:02,404
The basics.
He's never kissed a girl before.
1228
01:09:02,880 --> 01:09:05,531
You haven't?
Oh. Well, honey, show me.
1229
01:09:05,720 --> 01:09:07,882
- Uh, really?
- Yes.
1230
01:09:08,480 --> 01:09:09,606
Okay. Uh...
1231
01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:14,447
Oh. Not bad.
1232
01:09:14,640 --> 01:09:16,005
It's not bad.
1233
01:09:16,480 --> 01:09:18,164
- Try this.
- Okay.
1234
01:09:18,360 --> 01:09:19,441
Come here.
1235
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:24,047
There you go.
1236
01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:28,203
You feel that?
What I did with my tongue?
1237
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:32,169
- Yes, ma'am.
- Show Casey what you just learned.
1238
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:37,410
Look at that.
1239
01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:40,681
Mm! Whoa!
1240
01:09:40,880 --> 01:09:42,120
Wait. Hold on.
1241
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:46,251
I wanna get a picture of you with the
first girl you ever kissed. Here you go.
1242
01:09:46,440 --> 01:09:47,965
- Mm-hm. Make it good.
- Good.
1243
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:51,090
Rose. Get in there.
There you go. Photobomb it.
1244
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:54,606
- This is getting better, it's getting better.
- Okay.
1245
01:09:58,600 --> 01:10:00,125
It's so cute.
1246
01:10:00,320 --> 01:10:02,521
Use your hands. They got
so much fun stuff to play with.
1247
01:10:02,640 --> 01:10:04,290
You're not using your hands.
1248
01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:10,730
Kenny?
1249
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:15,281
- No, Melissa... It's, uh...
- I'm sorry.
1250
01:10:15,520 --> 01:10:17,010
Melissa, wait.
1251
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,206
Fuck.
1252
01:10:20,480 --> 01:10:23,324
You know, there's a 50-50 chance
she'll be into it.
1253
01:10:23,520 --> 01:10:25,443
Redhead. They're crazy.
1254
01:10:34,880 --> 01:10:37,565
Grab your things, guys.
Kenny, grab my stuff. Thanks.
1255
01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:40,166
- Here we go.
- Well, looks like you're ready to roll.
1256
01:10:40,320 --> 01:10:44,006
Gary called me first thing. He seemed real
eager for y'all to come pick her up.
1257
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:46,845
- Good. Good, good, good. Okay.
- Guess this is it, then.
1258
01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:49,765
- Good luck to you, David.
- Hey, thank you, Don. Take care, will you?
1259
01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:53,481
Hey, yeah, listen, I would appreciate it
if you kept what happened last night...
1260
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:55,967
...all that Chinese
vibrator talk, between us.
1261
01:10:56,120 --> 01:10:59,169
- Yeah.
- If folks at my church found out about that...
1262
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:02,927
Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no. I get it. Yeah.
No, say no more. Mum's the word, okay?
1263
01:11:03,080 --> 01:11:04,201
Before you go running off...
1264
01:11:04,360 --> 01:11:06,681
- Yeah?
- Well, last night notwithstanding...
1265
01:11:06,840 --> 01:11:09,730
...things bedroom-wise between me
and Mrs. Fitzgerald...
1266
01:11:09,880 --> 01:11:12,963
- ...haven't been a real five-alarm fire of late.
- Okay.
1267
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:16,607
Now that I'm not working as much, we have
a chance to light the flame again...
1268
01:11:16,760 --> 01:11:19,684
- ...but our matches are wet.
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
1269
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:23,083
- If you catch my drift.
- I do, yeah.
1270
01:11:23,240 --> 01:11:25,083
Yeah, the matches are genitals. I get it.
1271
01:11:25,240 --> 01:11:28,050
No, I was talking about our passion.
1272
01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:30,282
Right. Sorry, sorry. Of course.
That's the way...
1273
01:11:30,440 --> 01:11:32,090
- That's okay. That's all right.
- Yeah.
1274
01:11:32,240 --> 01:11:33,924
So we've been looking for new ideas...
1275
01:11:34,080 --> 01:11:37,084
...and she read on the internet
about this finger thing...
1276
01:11:37,240 --> 01:11:40,483
- Don, you don't need to share that with me.
- No, no, it's okay. I want to.
1277
01:11:40,640 --> 01:11:42,210
Okay, as long as you're comfortable.
1278
01:11:42,400 --> 01:11:43,925
- I need your advice, David.
- Mm-hm.
1279
01:11:44,240 --> 01:11:47,050
You and Rose seem hotter for each other
than a couple mice...
1280
01:11:47,200 --> 01:11:49,282
...having sexual congress in a wool sock.
1281
01:11:49,920 --> 01:11:51,365
- We do?
- Yeah.
1282
01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:54,330
You're like newlyweds,
the way you keep looking at each other.
1283
01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:57,400
- We are?
- Yeah. I guess I just wanna know...
1284
01:11:57,560 --> 01:12:02,521
...what do you do to keep things exciting
after years in the same fishing hole?
1285
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:04,842
- Hmm.
- What's your secret?
1286
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:06,406
Right.
1287
01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:08,642
- And by fishing hole you mean...
- Genitals.
1288
01:12:08,840 --> 01:12:10,080
That's genitals. Okay. Um.
1289
01:12:10,240 --> 01:12:13,369
Yeah, um, my secret? Uh...
1290
01:12:14,280 --> 01:12:16,328
Well, you know what I do, Don?
1291
01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:19,126
I just treat
Rose like she's a stripper.
1292
01:12:22,560 --> 01:12:24,050
- No kidding?
- No kidding.
1293
01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:26,362
Like she's a dirty, dirty stripper.
1294
01:12:28,520 --> 01:12:30,124
Okay. Heh-heh-heh.
1295
01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:31,765
Dirtier the better. Heh.
1296
01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:34,082
- Heh, heh.
- Okay, watch your step.
1297
01:12:34,480 --> 01:12:37,131
It surprise... It sneaks up on you.
1298
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:38,726
Everyone got your bags?
1299
01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:42,847
Oh. I am so sorry that Melissa
isn't here to say goodbye.
1300
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:44,681
She just won't come out of that bedroom.
1301
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:47,610
You know, she's been sick to her tummy
ever since last night.
1302
01:12:47,840 --> 01:12:51,128
- I think it was something that she ate.
- Just tell her I'm really sorry.
1303
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:52,651
- Oh, sure.
- Oh.
1304
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:54,451
Sure will.
1305
01:12:56,240 --> 01:12:58,129
Oh, so sweet, kids.
1306
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:02,402
You'll always be my special lover.
1307
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:06,082
Ow! Oh, Edie.
1308
01:13:07,280 --> 01:13:08,520
Bye!
1309
01:13:08,720 --> 01:13:11,564
- Happy birthday, America!
- Bye!
1310
01:13:11,760 --> 01:13:13,524
- See ya, now!
- Bye-bye, now.
1311
01:13:15,880 --> 01:13:17,564
- Thank you.
- Bye.
1312
01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:21,560
Let's get out of here. You guys, go to
the RV. I'll get the keys from Skeeter.
1313
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:27,451
Hello?!
1314
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:33,809
Hey, Brad, I was just gonna call you.
1315
01:13:34,160 --> 01:13:36,208
Where are you?
Thought you'd be here by now.
1316
01:13:36,360 --> 01:13:37,805
I told you I needed it today.
1317
01:13:37,960 --> 01:13:41,442
No, I know that. No, we just had a little
bit of engine trouble's all, okay?
1318
01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:45,929
We're gonna be on the road in five minutes,
at your front door in just a few hours, okay?
1319
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:47,809
Nothing stopping us now.
1320
01:13:48,240 --> 01:13:49,685
What the fuck?
1321
01:13:51,760 --> 01:13:53,410
Hand me the phone.
1322
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:55,961
Uh, Brad, can you hold on for a sec?
1323
01:13:56,320 --> 01:13:58,322
All right, let's not do anything rash.
1324
01:13:58,680 --> 01:14:01,206
- I'm David, what's your name?
- Pablo Chacon.
1325
01:14:01,360 --> 01:14:03,488
Shut the fuck up. Stop, stop.
1326
01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:06,371
- Hola, Brad.
- Pablo!
1327
01:14:08,480 --> 01:14:11,051
You send this amateur fuck-up
to steal from me?
1328
01:14:11,200 --> 01:14:13,931
Listen, I don't know
what David told you... Hello?
1329
01:14:15,000 --> 01:14:17,685
I would have loved to say good-bye to him.
1330
01:14:24,880 --> 01:14:25,927
Pablo Chacon.
1331
01:14:26,760 --> 01:14:29,809
Turns out there's a real Pablo Chacon
and we stole from him.
1332
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:33,806
So this is probably gonna end well,
I would imagine.
1333
01:14:35,800 --> 01:14:38,007
I'll be right back.
1334
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:39,567
No rush.
1335
01:14:41,280 --> 01:14:44,489
I thought you said we were
picking up drugs for Pablo Chacon.
1336
01:14:44,640 --> 01:14:47,291
I thought we were.
Brad told me he was Pablo Chacon.
1337
01:14:47,440 --> 01:14:49,681
- Why do you trust that guy?
- I don't, okay?
1338
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:52,167
Can you guys stop bickering
for five seconds?
1339
01:14:52,320 --> 01:14:54,482
Okay, how did he even find us?
1340
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:56,130
- We don't know.
- I don't know.
1341
01:14:56,280 --> 01:14:57,566
With this.
1342
01:14:59,600 --> 01:15:02,524
Cool, is that a transmitter?
That's like a...
1343
01:15:02,760 --> 01:15:04,967
You put that in the RV, huh?
In one of the bags?
1344
01:15:05,120 --> 01:15:09,330
- How could you not think of that?
- Because I don't know what I'm doing!
1345
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:11,807
- Have you not figured that out?
- Silence!
1346
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:16,610
You all die now.
1347
01:15:16,760 --> 01:15:19,081
But together as a family, with honor.
1348
01:15:19,800 --> 01:15:24,203
But we're not even a real family, okay?
I don't even know these people.
1349
01:15:25,760 --> 01:15:29,003
She's right. That's absolutely right. No, no.
We're not related at all, any of us.
1350
01:15:29,160 --> 01:15:30,525
No. We're just friends.
1351
01:15:30,680 --> 01:15:32,569
- No, we're not...
- We are not friends!
1352
01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:35,166
Look, I'm just a small-time
fucking drug dealer.
1353
01:15:35,320 --> 01:15:36,685
I sell dime bags, all right?
1354
01:15:36,880 --> 01:15:40,487
My daughter here
is just a homeless gutter punk, all right?
1355
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:44,890
And my son is just a fucking dork that
lives in my building. We don't look alike!
1356
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:47,725
- Not related.
- A virgin, okay? And my "wife"?
1357
01:15:48,160 --> 01:15:49,969
I mean, she's just a cheap stripper.
1358
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:52,088
Hey, thanks, David. Nice.
1359
01:15:52,240 --> 01:15:54,811
- We will not do anything if...
- Wait, wait. Heh.
1360
01:15:54,960 --> 01:15:57,850
In the capri pants and the sensible
footwear, a stripper?
1361
01:15:59,080 --> 01:16:00,206
Yes.
1362
01:16:01,240 --> 01:16:02,366
That's right, I am...
1363
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:04,890
...Mr. Chacon.
1364
01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:07,927
Just give me one chance...
1365
01:16:08,120 --> 01:16:13,206
...to prove to you that I'm worth
way more alive than I am dead.
1366
01:16:20,720 --> 01:16:21,220
Sweet
1367
01:16:25,440 --> 01:16:25,940
Emotion
1368
01:16:30,320 --> 01:16:33,130
Talk about things
And nobody cares
1369
01:16:35,640 --> 01:16:38,007
Wearing hot things
That nobody wears
1370
01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:48,323
Some sweat hog knew
She's a real good liar
1371
01:16:49,880 --> 01:16:53,089
'Cause the backstage boogie
Set your pants on fire
1372
01:16:57,840 --> 01:17:01,765
Sweet
1373
01:17:01,920 --> 01:17:02,420
Emotion
1374
01:17:06,680 --> 01:17:07,180
Sweet
1375
01:17:11,600 --> 01:17:15,321
Emotion
1376
01:17:16,440 --> 01:17:19,410
You stand in the front
Just a shakin' your ass
1377
01:17:21,400 --> 01:17:24,609
I'll take you backstage
You'll be drinking my glass
1378
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:29,369
I'm talkin' about something
You can sure understand
1379
01:17:43,920 --> 01:17:46,082
Have some respect, it's your mother.
1380
01:18:19,360 --> 01:18:20,771
Get in the RV! Go, go, go!
1381
01:18:28,440 --> 01:18:29,487
Why are we fighting?
1382
01:18:34,600 --> 01:18:36,250
- Do you know how to drive this?
- No.
1383
01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:38,520
No weapons. Here we go.
1384
01:18:38,720 --> 01:18:40,882
- Hurry!
- I don't know how it works.
1385
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:44,851
Fuck!
1386
01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:52,291
- What just happened?
- I knocked him out. Let's go.
1387
01:18:52,480 --> 01:18:53,641
- You did not.
- Yes, I did.
1388
01:18:57,720 --> 01:18:59,245
Come on, Rose, come on. Come on!
1389
01:19:02,720 --> 01:19:04,006
- Look out!
- Oh, no, please.
1390
01:19:10,440 --> 01:19:12,442
Kenny! Kenny, give me the wheel!
1391
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,045
No, do not pull over!
1392
01:19:15,320 --> 01:19:18,051
Go this way!
No, no, no. Don't get on the freeway.
1393
01:19:18,240 --> 01:19:20,686
- Kenny, just let me in.
- I can't. I'll stop.
1394
01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:22,370
Don't stop! You can't stop.
1395
01:19:22,560 --> 01:19:23,846
Goddamn it, will you let go?
1396
01:19:24,040 --> 01:19:25,963
No, no, no, no!
You're gonna get us killed!
1397
01:19:30,040 --> 01:19:32,691
- All right, just get out of the way.
- I can't.
1398
01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:45,841
Is everybody okay?
1399
01:19:46,040 --> 01:19:47,849
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. What...?
1400
01:19:48,040 --> 01:19:49,087
Fuck.
1401
01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:54,370
Fuck!
1402
01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:56,166
Ow! Shit! Fuck, fucking...
1403
01:19:56,320 --> 01:19:58,482
Ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow!
1404
01:19:58,640 --> 01:20:01,450
- Oh, my God. Fucking shit! Fuck!
- What the hell is he doing?
1405
01:20:01,600 --> 01:20:03,728
Fuck a donkey! It hurts so much.
1406
01:20:03,880 --> 01:20:06,201
Settle down, man.
What the hell's going on?
1407
01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:08,323
Oh, my God! I'm gonna die.
1408
01:20:08,480 --> 01:20:10,482
Kenny, listen to me.
Calm down, all right?
1409
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:12,483
Not gonna die. Tell us what's going on.
1410
01:20:12,640 --> 01:20:15,211
- Tell us what happened.
- Fucking spider bit me, David!
1411
01:20:15,360 --> 01:20:17,931
- What? Where did it happen?
- Bit me on my balls.
1412
01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:21,922
On my fucking balls. On my balls,
on my fucking balls!
1413
01:20:22,080 --> 01:20:24,003
Oh, God. Let me see.
Kenny, let me see it.
1414
01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:26,731
No. No fucking way. You're not seeing it.
1415
01:20:26,920 --> 01:20:30,641
Come on. I can't help you unless you
show me. Sweetie, just show it to me.
1416
01:20:30,840 --> 01:20:33,127
Kenny, will you just man up
and drop your pants?
1417
01:20:33,280 --> 01:20:34,964
We've all seen a dick.
1418
01:20:40,120 --> 01:20:41,565
All right, let's see it.
1419
01:20:43,960 --> 01:20:46,486
What? What is it?
What does it look like?
1420
01:20:46,640 --> 01:20:48,483
- I can't look.
- Um...
1421
01:20:48,640 --> 01:20:51,564
- Is it bad?
- Hey, listen to me. It's not that bad.
1422
01:20:51,720 --> 01:20:53,882
- Dude, it's really bad.
- No, it isn't.
1423
01:20:54,040 --> 01:20:56,646
- Have you seen what that... Look.
- I'm not gonna look.
1424
01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:59,963
- You're going to a hospital.
- What? No. No fucking way.
1425
01:21:00,160 --> 01:21:01,321
How bad is it?
1426
01:21:01,680 --> 01:21:04,524
You're okay. Rub some dirt
on it. Let's get back in the RV.
1427
01:21:04,680 --> 01:21:07,331
No. You're going to see a doctor.
1428
01:21:07,480 --> 01:21:09,608
No fucking way.
No, absolutely not, Rose.
1429
01:21:09,800 --> 01:21:12,371
He's not going to a hospital.
We don't have time.
1430
01:21:12,520 --> 01:21:14,727
Trust me. Kenny is fine.
1431
01:21:14,880 --> 01:21:17,406
I can't feel my bingo.
1432
01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:22,484
- Goddamn it, Kenny.
- Yeah. Totally fine.
1433
01:21:22,640 --> 01:21:25,689
- Go grab him. Grab him!
- If he's dead, we're leaving him.
1434
01:21:32,560 --> 01:21:36,485
Yeah, this is David Mille... David Clark,
calling for Mr. Gurdlinger again.
1435
01:21:37,520 --> 01:21:39,204
Yes, I'll hold.
1436
01:21:39,560 --> 01:21:42,404
Who's my big black and white baby? Yeah.
1437
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:45,168
You are. Yes, you are.
1438
01:21:49,680 --> 01:21:51,489
- Yellow-ski.
- Oh, hello, Brad.
1439
01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:54,450
Where the fuck have you been?
I left you five messages, man!
1440
01:21:54,600 --> 01:21:58,491
David! You're alive! Cool.
How'd that happen?
1441
01:21:58,680 --> 01:22:00,444
Ask the real Pablo Chacon.
1442
01:22:00,640 --> 01:22:02,005
I'm not gonna make excuses.
1443
01:22:02,440 --> 01:22:03,930
It was kind of a dick move.
1444
01:22:04,640 --> 01:22:06,688
- "A dick move"? A dick move!
- Little bit.
1445
01:22:07,080 --> 01:22:08,570
Little bit of a dick move.
1446
01:22:08,720 --> 01:22:11,451
Well, tell you what. I'm not driving
another fucking mile.
1447
01:22:11,600 --> 01:22:15,764
All right? I want goddamn hazard pay from
your ass. Otherwise, I'll turn around...
1448
01:22:15,920 --> 01:22:19,891
...and give this smidge of pot back to
Chacon, along with your fucking address.
1449
01:22:20,040 --> 01:22:21,121
Do you understand me?
1450
01:22:21,280 --> 01:22:23,521
Sounds like you're
threatening to double-cross me.
1451
01:22:23,680 --> 01:22:25,489
Fucking right I am.
1452
01:22:25,640 --> 01:22:27,608
And I'm kind of turned on right now.
1453
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:30,966
You make a good case for hazard pay.
How much you want?
1454
01:22:31,120 --> 01:22:33,930
How much? Oh, I don't know,
half a million dollars.
1455
01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:35,366
- How about that?
- Done.
1456
01:22:36,560 --> 01:22:38,244
Fucking right, it's done. Good.
1457
01:22:38,400 --> 01:22:41,324
But I need it here by tonight
or the deal is off.
1458
01:22:42,040 --> 01:22:43,610
No problem. That's fine with me.
1459
01:22:43,760 --> 01:22:45,489
Where the hell are you, anyway?
1460
01:22:45,640 --> 01:22:50,726
We're at the Corrales Regional Medical
Center in Buttfuck, New Mexico.
1461
01:22:50,880 --> 01:22:52,245
- Why?
- Why? Why?
1462
01:22:52,440 --> 01:22:56,001
Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his
fucking nuts bit by a giant spider.
1463
01:22:56,160 --> 01:22:59,403
That is amazing. Will you let me know
if he develops super powers?
1464
01:23:00,000 --> 01:23:02,082
Listen, man, giddyup, okay? Tick-tock.
1465
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:04,921
Tick-tock. Okay.
1466
01:23:08,560 --> 01:23:10,961
Hola, Pablo. Es Brad.
1467
01:23:11,120 --> 01:23:14,044
Okay. Here me out.
I wanna ask you something.
1468
01:23:21,080 --> 01:23:22,844
Scottie? The doctor will see you now.
1469
01:23:26,680 --> 01:23:28,364
Text me, girl. I gotta bounce.
1470
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,206
Know what I'm saying?
1471
01:23:32,520 --> 01:23:36,002
Oh, God. Really? That guy?
1472
01:23:36,800 --> 01:23:39,371
- What? He's hot.
- Okay.
1473
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:41,206
"I gotta bounce."
1474
01:23:42,480 --> 01:23:44,323
- Miller family?
- Yeah.
1475
01:23:44,760 --> 01:23:47,240
Hi. Hello, how are you?
1476
01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:50,125
Oh, great. What's the news,
doc, huh? Can we get going?
1477
01:23:50,320 --> 01:23:52,084
- He's about to tell us.
- Oh, good.
1478
01:23:52,280 --> 01:23:56,046
I'm afraid your son had a pretty severe
allergic reaction to the spider's venom.
1479
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:58,242
Ooh. Too bad. Better get him home.
Where is he?
1480
01:23:58,440 --> 01:24:02,525
He's in a lot of pain right now, we won't
be able to release him for a few hours yet.
1481
01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:07,201
- Why?
- David? David, David! Stop it.
1482
01:24:08,360 --> 01:24:09,691
Please. Continue.
1483
01:24:10,640 --> 01:24:12,449
Uh, he's on an IV
to get some antibiotics...
1484
01:24:13,880 --> 01:24:16,406
Who the fuck cares, man?
Okay? We got shit to do.
1485
01:24:16,600 --> 01:24:19,649
Go get my son and bring him
and his giant nut out here right now.
1486
01:24:19,840 --> 01:24:23,242
Stop it. Doctor, thank you.
I appreciate you taking care of our son.
1487
01:24:23,440 --> 01:24:27,081
- Thank you very much.
- Sure. You seem like a very caring father.
1488
01:24:28,720 --> 01:24:31,246
- What is your fucking problem?
- What?!
1489
01:24:31,440 --> 01:24:33,966
Are you crazy? It's only a few hours.
We'll be fine.
1490
01:24:34,160 --> 01:24:35,400
No, we're not fine. Okay?
1491
01:24:35,600 --> 01:24:38,570
We'll be dead in a few hours.
You forget who's following us?
1492
01:24:38,800 --> 01:24:41,121
Look, here's what I say we do, all right?
1493
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:44,251
We leave him here,
and then we just keep going, all right?
1494
01:24:44,440 --> 01:24:47,364
So you're saying that the three
of us, we just leave him here.
1495
01:24:47,600 --> 01:24:51,491
No! No, no, no. We don't leave him here.
No. Absolutely not. No, we leave...
1496
01:24:51,720 --> 01:24:53,085
...with him here.
1497
01:24:56,040 --> 01:24:57,087
Okay.
1498
01:25:03,080 --> 01:25:05,447
You know, if we leave Kenny here,
it really isn't...
1499
01:25:06,120 --> 01:25:07,167
Ah.
1500
01:25:07,360 --> 01:25:10,091
No. I don't know where I was going
with that. That's stupid.
1501
01:25:10,280 --> 01:25:11,566
Seriously.
1502
01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:15,365
- What's that?
- I don't know.
1503
01:25:15,560 --> 01:25:18,325
- Don't answer it! It's for me!
- What?
1504
01:25:19,280 --> 01:25:20,327
What's up, dawg?
1505
01:25:20,760 --> 01:25:22,330
Not much, dawg. What's up with you?
1506
01:25:22,520 --> 01:25:24,488
Here to pick up Casey,
know what I'm saying?
1507
01:25:24,720 --> 01:25:27,200
I'm awake and I speak English,
so, yeah, I do know.
1508
01:25:28,360 --> 01:25:31,569
- What's your name, man?
- Scottie P., you know what I'm saying? Ha-ha.
1509
01:25:32,360 --> 01:25:34,124
Again, I do know what you're saying.
1510
01:25:34,320 --> 01:25:36,800
But I appreciate you continuing
to check in with me.
1511
01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:39,606
- Hi! Bye. We're gonna go.
- Whoa, wait!
1512
01:25:39,800 --> 01:25:42,041
- Where do you think you're going?
- Out.
1513
01:25:42,680 --> 01:25:44,682
I have just made lunch.
1514
01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:47,201
- When are you coming back?
- I don't know, later.
1515
01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:49,289
No! Hey, stop! Stop, listen to me.
1516
01:25:49,480 --> 01:25:51,289
Once Kenny is ready, we're out of here.
1517
01:25:51,480 --> 01:25:54,962
We will leave with or without you.
If you're not here, we're gone. Got it?
1518
01:25:55,160 --> 01:25:57,242
Okay, fine. That's totally fine.
1519
01:25:57,440 --> 01:26:00,364
Wait. Come here.
I'd like to have a chat with your friend.
1520
01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:03,006
- Are you kidding me?
- I am not kidding you.
1521
01:26:03,200 --> 01:26:04,611
Would you please have a seat.
1522
01:26:05,720 --> 01:26:07,006
What is going on?
1523
01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:17,210
So, Scottie P.,
what exactly do you do for a living?
1524
01:26:17,480 --> 01:26:20,450
- Oh, Mom!
- I work for A and J Amusements.
1525
01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:23,080
I'm rocking that Monkey Maze,
you know what I'm saying?
1526
01:26:23,280 --> 01:26:27,569
- What the hell is the Monkey Maze?
- Oh, it's like a Terrifying Deathtrap...
1527
01:26:27,720 --> 01:26:29,131
...but for little kids.
1528
01:26:29,320 --> 01:26:31,561
You're working at the fair. You're a carny.
1529
01:26:31,720 --> 01:26:34,326
No, I drive a motorcycle.
1530
01:26:34,480 --> 01:26:35,845
- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
1531
01:26:36,040 --> 01:26:37,246
Yeah.
1532
01:26:37,400 --> 01:26:41,325
What about you guys? Where you, uh,
stopping in from, you know what I'm saying?
1533
01:26:41,480 --> 01:26:43,482
- Uh, D-town.
- Oh, Detroit.
1534
01:26:43,640 --> 01:26:46,086
No, no, no. The other one.
1535
01:26:46,240 --> 01:26:47,969
D-town. The other D-town.
1536
01:26:48,120 --> 01:26:50,487
- Denver...?
- That's the one. There you go.
1537
01:26:50,680 --> 01:26:52,080
- Colorado.
- That's the one.
1538
01:26:52,200 --> 01:26:54,407
Yeah, I love my Rockies,
you know what I'm saying?
1539
01:26:54,600 --> 01:26:56,682
Oh, you like the Rockies?
You're a baseball fan?
1540
01:26:57,600 --> 01:26:59,967
- Uh, no, the mountains.
- Of course.
1541
01:27:01,360 --> 01:27:02,805
Hey, those are cool tats, man.
1542
01:27:02,960 --> 01:27:05,122
Oh, for real. Thank you, bro.
You see the cobra?
1543
01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:07,682
- What's this? The one right there?
- Oh, this?
1544
01:27:07,840 --> 01:27:09,285
Uh-huh.
1545
01:27:09,440 --> 01:27:11,363
That's my credo. "No ragrets."
1546
01:27:11,520 --> 01:27:14,410
Mm-hm. How about that.
1547
01:27:15,120 --> 01:27:17,088
- You have no regrets?
- Nope.
1548
01:27:17,240 --> 01:27:20,881
- Not one?
- Nope. Ha, ha.
1549
01:27:21,040 --> 01:27:23,486
I wish I did. To talk about something.
1550
01:27:23,640 --> 01:27:24,721
Not one regret, huh?
1551
01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:27,082
That's how I been living my whole life.
1552
01:27:27,240 --> 01:27:29,288
I went to a tattoo artist, I was like:
1553
01:27:29,440 --> 01:27:31,647
"This how I live.
Can you put that on my body?"
1554
01:27:31,800 --> 01:27:33,325
- And he did it.
- Dad.
1555
01:27:33,480 --> 01:27:36,609
- Not even a single letter?
- No, I can't think of one.
1556
01:27:36,760 --> 01:27:39,604
- I love all the letters, know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
1557
01:27:39,760 --> 01:27:41,808
A lot of letters in the alphabet.
How many?
1558
01:27:41,960 --> 01:27:44,930
- It's in the 20s.
- It's definitely in the 20s, I agree.
1559
01:27:45,080 --> 01:27:47,560
Twenty-six, I think, if you count Y.
1560
01:27:47,720 --> 01:27:50,803
- Do you have any questions for us, Scottie P?
- Dad.
1561
01:27:51,520 --> 01:27:54,444
- How did you make her so hot?
- What's that?
1562
01:27:54,920 --> 01:27:57,651
- Uh, Casey.
- Aw, that's very sweet of you.
1563
01:27:57,800 --> 01:28:00,167
He wants to know
how we made Casey so hot.
1564
01:28:00,320 --> 01:28:03,608
- It's, uh...
- You guys had to...
1565
01:28:03,760 --> 01:28:06,286
- What'd you ask us?
- ...seminate, like, each other?
1566
01:28:06,440 --> 01:28:08,283
Uh... Sorry?
1567
01:28:08,440 --> 01:28:11,159
- Oh, my God.
- Like, is there a way to make them, like...
1568
01:28:11,160 --> 01:28:12,286
...attractive? Like, kids?
1569
01:28:13,440 --> 01:28:15,602
- Doggie style. Know what I mean?
- Dope.
1570
01:28:17,440 --> 01:28:21,240
- Dad.
- Well, I love him. I think he's great.
1571
01:28:21,440 --> 01:28:24,125
A real winner.
If I were you, I wouldn't use protection.
1572
01:28:24,280 --> 01:28:25,805
Scottie P., you're the man.
1573
01:28:25,960 --> 01:28:27,920
- Yo, for real. Thanks, man.
- We're leaving. Bye!
1574
01:28:28,680 --> 01:28:31,120
- Nice meeting you. You do you, Scottie P.
- You too.
1575
01:28:37,600 --> 01:28:39,329
Casey, make good choices!
1576
01:28:42,400 --> 01:28:44,004
Come on, she's gonna be fine.
1577
01:28:44,200 --> 01:28:46,885
Tattooed kid on a motorcycle, no helmet.
1578
01:28:47,600 --> 01:28:49,568
Actually, she might already be pregnant.
1579
01:28:56,320 --> 01:28:59,051
I cannot believe her.
Where the hell is she?
1580
01:28:59,240 --> 01:29:02,926
Look who is concerned about someone
other than themselves.
1581
01:29:03,120 --> 01:29:05,088
What? I just want to get back on
the road.
1582
01:29:05,280 --> 01:29:06,645
No, I know.
1583
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:08,764
That kid was a dickhead, huh?
1584
01:29:08,960 --> 01:29:10,291
- Right?
- Know what I'm saying?
1585
01:29:10,480 --> 01:29:13,404
- Ha! Jerk.
- Unbelievable.
1586
01:29:13,600 --> 01:29:15,921
Must get her shitty taste in men
from her mother.
1587
01:29:19,400 --> 01:29:21,721
I'm sorry. It was a cheap shot.
1588
01:29:21,920 --> 01:29:24,366
Cheap shot, okay? I'm taking it back.
1589
01:29:25,320 --> 01:29:28,847
I'm sure your boyfriend Jimmy
is very nice.
1590
01:29:29,040 --> 01:29:31,884
He seems like a very good guy.
1591
01:29:32,520 --> 01:29:34,841
Well, he's not. He left.
1592
01:29:35,320 --> 01:29:38,642
Maxed out all my credit cards,
cleaned out my bank account...
1593
01:29:38,840 --> 01:29:40,251
...jetted out of town.
1594
01:29:40,440 --> 01:29:45,002
He stole my favorite mug. Which was
a pretty shitty thing to do. Even for him.
1595
01:29:45,200 --> 01:29:47,646
- I'm really sorry about that. That sucks.
- Whatever.
1596
01:29:47,880 --> 01:29:50,804
That's what you get
for dating a guy who dates strippers.
1597
01:29:51,360 --> 01:29:52,407
Ah, come on.
1598
01:29:52,600 --> 01:29:54,762
You're a lot more than that, Rose,
and you know it.
1599
01:29:58,200 --> 01:30:01,044
- What?
- Rose is not even my real name.
1600
01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:04,331
What's your real name?
1601
01:30:05,720 --> 01:30:06,926
Sarah.
1602
01:30:07,680 --> 01:30:08,806
With an "h"?
1603
01:30:09,160 --> 01:30:11,481
Yep. Right there at the end.
1604
01:30:11,680 --> 01:30:13,250
It's the best way to spell it.
1605
01:30:13,440 --> 01:30:16,330
- That's what my mother thought. Heh.
- Heh.
1606
01:30:18,400 --> 01:30:20,209
Well, David's not my real name either.
1607
01:30:20,640 --> 01:30:23,371
- Really?
- I'm being serious.
1608
01:30:24,680 --> 01:30:27,331
Wow. So you're being ser...
1609
01:30:27,560 --> 01:30:30,564
Well, so then, what's your real name?
1610
01:30:30,920 --> 01:30:32,046
Barbara.
1611
01:30:32,240 --> 01:30:34,481
- Barbara?
- Yeah, named after my mom.
1612
01:30:34,680 --> 01:30:36,967
Oh, so, what are you, like, a Barbara Jr.?
1613
01:30:38,320 --> 01:30:40,322
- You're Barbara Jr.
- You got it. Yeah, yeah.
1614
01:30:40,520 --> 01:30:43,171
My friends in high school
and grade school called me Babs.
1615
01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:44,885
Oh, scarred childhood.
1616
01:30:45,120 --> 01:30:49,045
Not really, not at all. I mean, I was in
musical theater, so I was actually revered.
1617
01:30:50,400 --> 01:30:51,447
Very funny.
1618
01:30:53,360 --> 01:30:54,850
You have a hair...
1619
01:30:56,920 --> 01:30:58,365
Yank, or put behind the ear?
1620
01:30:58,560 --> 01:30:59,800
Guess we could...
1621
01:31:00,640 --> 01:31:01,766
...tuck it back there.
1622
01:31:04,880 --> 01:31:06,962
Whoa. What's going on in here?
1623
01:31:07,560 --> 01:31:10,291
We should ask you the same thing,
young lady! Huh?
1624
01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:12,522
- We've been worried sick.
- That's right.
1625
01:31:12,720 --> 01:31:14,882
Why are you guys talking like that?
1626
01:31:15,200 --> 01:31:16,281
Shit, is someone here?
1627
01:31:16,480 --> 01:31:19,450
Yeah! Yeah, us.
We're here. That's who's here.
1628
01:31:19,760 --> 01:31:22,206
We didn't know if you were dead
in a ditch! Huh?
1629
01:31:22,400 --> 01:31:24,040
You couldn't have called?
Something?
1630
01:31:24,200 --> 01:31:27,124
Or send one of those text messages
you're always sending out?
1631
01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:31,450
"Hey, it's me, Casey, I'm not dead in a
ditch." LOL, picture of a whale,
1632
01:31:31,760 --> 01:31:33,250
- Anything!
- Okay.
1633
01:31:33,760 --> 01:31:35,205
Fine! Whatever!
1634
01:31:35,400 --> 01:31:37,050
Sorry.
1635
01:31:37,240 --> 01:31:38,480
- Whoa!
- Thank you!
1636
01:31:38,720 --> 01:31:40,561
- Was that so hard?
- Appreciate that.
1637
01:31:40,720 --> 01:31:43,883
- She learned a new word, Rose.
- Thank God. "I'm sorry."
1638
01:31:44,360 --> 01:31:46,203
Un-fucking-believable.
1639
01:31:46,640 --> 01:31:48,005
It's gonna be great.
1640
01:31:48,920 --> 01:31:51,048
Oh! There he is. Kenny!
1641
01:31:51,240 --> 01:31:53,720
- Okay, let's go.
- Oh, my God, you look so much better.
1642
01:31:53,920 --> 01:31:56,161
- Doesn't he?
- Like a thousand bucks. Let's go.
1643
01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:01,241
- Come on, we gotta hurry. Come on!
- Take it easy!
1644
01:32:01,440 --> 01:32:03,283
- Will you just relax?!
- Look, I can't...
1645
01:32:04,120 --> 01:32:05,167
- Oh, great.
- Aah!
1646
01:32:05,360 --> 01:32:07,806
- Kenny.
- That's my elbow. Oh...
1647
01:32:08,040 --> 01:32:10,247
- Are you okay?
- I think so.
1648
01:32:10,440 --> 01:32:13,091
Look what happens when you
run around like a crazy person.
1649
01:32:13,280 --> 01:32:16,284
What do mean? He's fine.
Come on, Ken-doll, hop up. Here we go.
1650
01:32:16,480 --> 01:32:18,562
- What's wrong with you?
- What's wrong with me?
1651
01:32:18,800 --> 01:32:21,406
- David!
- Look, this job has a deadline...
1652
01:32:21,600 --> 01:32:23,489
...and it's in four fucking hours.
1653
01:32:23,720 --> 01:32:27,441
If you think I'm gonna lose half a million
dollars because of Kenny's boo-boos...
1654
01:32:27,680 --> 01:32:29,967
- ...then you're out of your mind.
- Whoa. Wait a second.
1655
01:32:30,680 --> 01:32:33,923
You're making half a million dollars
on this deal?
1656
01:32:36,240 --> 01:32:40,245
- Uh, roughly.
- I cannot believe you.
1657
01:32:40,440 --> 01:32:41,885
Listen to me. I can explain.
1658
01:32:42,080 --> 01:32:47,291
You are making $500,000
and you were only gonna pay me 30?
1659
01:32:47,480 --> 01:32:51,041
You're getting 30 grand?
I'm getting a thousand!
1660
01:32:51,560 --> 01:32:53,085
Wait, you guys are getting paid?
1661
01:32:53,280 --> 01:32:54,725
- You're a liar.
- No, no, no.
1662
01:32:54,960 --> 01:32:57,042
- We want to renegotiate.
- No. No way.
1663
01:32:57,240 --> 01:32:58,601
- What? David.
- No. No way.
1664
01:32:58,800 --> 01:33:02,930
You made your deal with me, I made my
deal with Brad. We're getting outta here.
1665
01:33:03,880 --> 01:33:07,248
See? Good. Casey gets it.
We're not renegotiating now. Let's go.
1666
01:33:07,440 --> 01:33:11,240
I believe we are, right now, because you
wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for us.
1667
01:33:11,480 --> 01:33:12,641
You're right about that.
1668
01:33:12,840 --> 01:33:15,571
I'd be in Denver now if it wasn't
for you slowing me down.
1669
01:33:15,760 --> 01:33:19,162
Are you shitting...? Slowing you down?
What the hell are you talking...?
1670
01:33:19,800 --> 01:33:22,007
Whoa, where the hell are you going?
Hey, hey!
1671
01:33:22,240 --> 01:33:24,049
Hey, I said where are you going?
1672
01:33:24,280 --> 01:33:26,328
You know what? You leave,
you get nothing.
1673
01:33:26,520 --> 01:33:27,965
I don't want your money, okay?
1674
01:33:28,200 --> 01:33:31,044
Casey, come back.
We have to stay together.
1675
01:33:31,240 --> 01:33:32,765
- Come on!
- Why?
1676
01:33:33,520 --> 01:33:34,965
Because we're a family? Huh?
1677
01:33:35,400 --> 01:33:38,404
You want to spend Christmas together?
Help me with my homework?
1678
01:33:38,720 --> 01:33:41,690
Please. This whole thing
has been a total joke.
1679
01:33:42,720 --> 01:33:45,883
Oh, no, I'll tell you what the joke is!
You want to know what the...?
1680
01:33:46,880 --> 01:33:48,006
The j...
1681
01:33:48,440 --> 01:33:50,090
I'm not gonna tell you the joke!
1682
01:33:50,280 --> 01:33:53,489
You don't deserve to hear the joke!
Let's go.
1683
01:33:53,680 --> 01:33:56,081
- I don't think you knew the joke.
- I knew a joke.
1684
01:33:56,280 --> 01:33:57,964
We have to go back and get her.
1685
01:33:58,160 --> 01:34:00,686
What? Are you kidding me?
She left! Screw her, okay?
1686
01:34:00,880 --> 01:34:02,564
Are you coming with me or not, Rose?
1687
01:34:04,040 --> 01:34:07,442
Fine. I'll slide your check
under your door. Kenny, let's go.
1688
01:34:09,200 --> 01:34:10,725
Kenny, come on! Let's go, man.
1689
01:34:10,920 --> 01:34:13,526
We can't leave her, David. It's not right.
1690
01:34:16,240 --> 01:34:17,605
- You know what?
- What?
1691
01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:19,764
You all deserve each other.
1692
01:34:22,680 --> 01:34:24,011
Da... Wha...?
1693
01:34:35,000 --> 01:34:36,331
He'll come back.
1694
01:34:37,040 --> 01:34:38,087
Right?
1695
01:34:59,320 --> 01:35:00,367
Yo, girl!
1696
01:35:02,200 --> 01:35:04,567
- I got your text. What's up?
- Hey.
1697
01:35:04,760 --> 01:35:06,000
Are you alone?
1698
01:35:06,520 --> 01:35:10,411
Yeah. You think we can go someplace
private and talk?
1699
01:35:11,280 --> 01:35:14,727
I know just the spot,
you know what I'm saying? Heh-heh.
1700
01:35:20,320 --> 01:35:23,164
- A little better.
- See, you're not in synch with what I'm doing.
1701
01:35:23,360 --> 01:35:26,284
I'm just playing a major scale,
but, um, we can move it down.
1702
01:35:26,440 --> 01:35:27,726
- Let's move it.
- Shitty scale.
1703
01:35:27,880 --> 01:35:29,370
Stop talking. Just shut the fuck up.
1704
01:35:31,480 --> 01:35:33,005
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey, Brad.
1705
01:35:33,200 --> 01:35:36,249
I'm just getting some singing lessons
from my main man Ben Folds Five.
1706
01:35:36,400 --> 01:35:39,802
- Ain't that right, Ben Folds Five?
- My name is Ben Folds.
1707
01:35:40,000 --> 01:35:41,729
"Five" is the name of the band.
1708
01:35:41,920 --> 01:35:43,649
You're fucking with me. I love it.
1709
01:35:43,840 --> 01:35:47,128
You gotta meet this guy.
Benji Five is a laugh riot.
1710
01:35:47,280 --> 01:35:49,160
Remember that song "Brick"
we used to listen to?
1711
01:35:49,280 --> 01:35:53,444
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
1712
01:35:53,640 --> 01:35:56,405
It's... I've got... It's that guy.
I fucking got that guy.
1713
01:35:56,600 --> 01:35:58,170
He's like my personal bitch.
1714
01:35:58,320 --> 01:36:00,607
- Listen, is everything okay?
- Yeah.
1715
01:36:00,760 --> 01:36:02,762
Yeah, yeah. Uh, things are fine.
1716
01:36:02,920 --> 01:36:05,890
I'm about 200 miles away.
I'll be there in three hours, all right?
1717
01:36:06,040 --> 01:36:09,567
- All right. Peace.
- Agh, fucking asshole.
1718
01:36:09,720 --> 01:36:11,051
Scales. Let's do this.
1719
01:36:11,240 --> 01:36:12,605
This gig sucks.
1720
01:36:12,760 --> 01:36:14,808
Don't talk to me like that.
I will have you killed.
1721
01:36:14,960 --> 01:36:16,803
And no one will miss
your fucking nerd music.
1722
01:36:26,400 --> 01:36:28,164
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
1723
01:36:28,360 --> 01:36:30,010
Great. That's loud.
1724
01:36:38,120 --> 01:36:41,329
Yeah, nice try, radio. Nice try. Heh.
1725
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:43,764
Okay. Ahem.
1726
01:36:43,960 --> 01:36:45,166
Let's get there.
1727
01:36:47,760 --> 01:36:49,569
Hoo.
1728
01:36:51,000 --> 01:36:52,240
Quiet.
1729
01:36:59,120 --> 01:37:00,770
And I knew better too.
1730
01:37:01,000 --> 01:37:03,321
But we were all on the road together...
1731
01:37:03,520 --> 01:37:06,330
...and it got kind of fun, you know?
1732
01:37:07,160 --> 01:37:08,207
Yeah. Uh-huh.
1733
01:37:08,800 --> 01:37:11,644
And I started thinking of us as kind of
like this...
1734
01:37:13,120 --> 01:37:14,724
Whatever, it's stupid.
1735
01:37:15,760 --> 01:37:18,047
- Fuck them.
- Yeah, fuck them.
1736
01:37:18,240 --> 01:37:22,484
Yo, right now, girl, Scottie P. is gonna make
you feel real good, know what I'm saying?
1737
01:37:22,680 --> 01:37:25,047
- Ha-ha.
- Uh, heh.
1738
01:37:25,240 --> 01:37:28,369
I'm sorry, I'm just feeling kind of cry-ey
and that...
1739
01:37:29,520 --> 01:37:31,363
- I'm just gonna go, okay?
- Come on, girl.
1740
01:37:31,560 --> 01:37:33,881
- You texted me. You know what's up.
- Scottie.
1741
01:37:34,080 --> 01:37:35,320
Hey!
1742
01:37:35,520 --> 01:37:36,646
Get your hands off of her!
1743
01:37:36,840 --> 01:37:38,171
Come here, Casey.
1744
01:37:38,600 --> 01:37:40,204
You put your hands on her again...
1745
01:37:40,400 --> 01:37:43,085
...I will rip that fucking tattoo
right off of your chest.
1746
01:37:43,280 --> 01:37:44,361
You know what I'm saying?
1747
01:37:44,560 --> 01:37:46,608
- Oh, really, bitch?
- Yeah, bitch.
1748
01:37:46,800 --> 01:37:49,883
You know what? Why don't you leave
the girls alone, man.
1749
01:37:50,080 --> 01:37:51,684
What are you gonna do, eyebrows?
1750
01:37:53,240 --> 01:37:54,685
One...
1751
01:37:55,400 --> 01:37:56,640
...two...
1752
01:37:58,280 --> 01:38:00,408
Ow! Broke my nose!
1753
01:38:01,920 --> 01:38:04,764
You're an aggressive woman.
Know what I'm saying?
1754
01:38:07,240 --> 01:38:08,287
Are you okay?
1755
01:38:08,520 --> 01:38:11,000
I'm fine. That was awesome.
You fucking decked him!
1756
01:38:11,200 --> 01:38:13,521
I've dealt with handsy
assholes like him at work.
1757
01:38:13,760 --> 01:38:15,000
Let's just get out of here.
1758
01:38:15,240 --> 01:38:17,004
Thanks for the backup.
Why the counting?
1759
01:38:17,240 --> 01:38:19,447
If you're gonna punch someone,
punch them on one.
1760
01:38:19,640 --> 01:38:21,005
Well, David told me to count.
1761
01:38:21,240 --> 01:38:23,481
David? David hasn't punched
anybody ever.
1762
01:38:28,320 --> 01:38:30,243
I think this Way. Exit.
1763
01:38:34,120 --> 01:38:36,691
I have returned.
1764
01:38:38,520 --> 01:38:40,807
Ha-ha-ha. So here's what happened, okay?
1765
01:38:40,960 --> 01:38:46,126
I'm out on the open road, just by myself, right?
And I'm just beelining it to a huge payday.
1766
01:38:46,280 --> 01:38:48,681
And I start to realize something:
it's boring in here.
1767
01:38:48,840 --> 01:38:50,800
So I thought,
"You know what you gotta do, dummy?"
1768
01:38:50,920 --> 01:38:54,527
"You gotta turn this RV around
and go back and get those dip sticks."
1769
01:38:54,680 --> 01:38:57,923
Heh. I'm just kidding,
you're not dip sticks.
1770
01:38:58,080 --> 01:38:59,889
What do you say we go home?
Come on, let's go.
1771
01:39:00,040 --> 01:39:01,849
Hey, David? Go fuck yourself.
1772
01:39:02,480 --> 01:39:04,289
Uh...? Ha!
1773
01:39:04,880 --> 01:39:07,360
"Go fuck yourself."
"You go fuck yourself."
1774
01:39:07,520 --> 01:39:12,048
Rose, you say, "Go fuck yourself." Then
Kenny's like, "I don't want to fuck anybody."
1775
01:39:12,200 --> 01:39:15,283
This is what I miss, right?
The Ping-Pong action, the repartee.
1776
01:39:15,440 --> 01:39:19,729
Come on, guys. Let's get out of here, go home.
Get in the RV, go home, get out of here.
1777
01:39:19,880 --> 01:39:22,201
Come on, let's go!
1778
01:39:22,360 --> 01:39:25,125
- Whoa, hey, hold on. Where you going?
- Are you serious?
1779
01:39:25,280 --> 01:39:27,203
Look, look, look. Okay.
1780
01:39:27,360 --> 01:39:29,806
I know what this is about, and I get it.
1781
01:39:29,960 --> 01:39:33,009
All right?
We're gonna split the $500,000.
1782
01:39:33,160 --> 01:39:37,051
Evenly. Betwixt the four of us.
1783
01:39:37,440 --> 01:39:40,489
You guys get what I'm saying here?
Kenny, you wanna be like this: "Pfft!"
1784
01:39:40,640 --> 01:39:44,087
Like you're from... Right?
That's a lot of video games, kiddo.
1785
01:39:44,240 --> 01:39:47,642
All right, Casey, you can buy a house,
and run away from it.
1786
01:39:48,040 --> 01:39:50,520
You know what I mean? Like, whatever.
You get $125,000.
1787
01:39:50,680 --> 01:39:51,806
You get $125,000.
1788
01:39:52,000 --> 01:39:54,685
You get a... I mean, I'm like
fucking Oprah here. You know?
1789
01:39:54,880 --> 01:39:57,486
If she was a white dude at a carnival. Heh.
1790
01:39:57,640 --> 01:40:00,211
Come on, guys. Let's get in the RV...
1791
01:40:00,360 --> 01:40:04,001
...and take our butts back to Denver where
we're gonna be rich and we're gonna get paid.
1792
01:40:05,320 --> 01:40:07,766
- Come on, come on.
- Uh, David, listen.
1793
01:40:07,960 --> 01:40:10,964
You misled us. You left us.
1794
01:40:11,120 --> 01:40:15,045
And then you come waltzing back in here all...
I don't know what the hell that was...
1795
01:40:15,200 --> 01:40:17,680
...and you just expect
that we all just forget about it.
1796
01:40:17,840 --> 01:40:20,571
What's wrong with you?
1797
01:40:21,400 --> 01:40:22,447
How do we trust you?
1798
01:40:26,480 --> 01:40:29,404
Okay, look, what do you want?
Do you want me to beg?
1799
01:40:29,600 --> 01:40:31,170
Kids? What do you think?
1800
01:40:31,320 --> 01:40:34,051
- That would make me feel a lot better.
- Works for me. Sure.
1801
01:40:36,520 --> 01:40:38,124
You're joking.
1802
01:40:39,920 --> 01:40:41,046
Wha...?
1803
01:40:41,440 --> 01:40:44,569
You really want me to get on my knees?
And beg you?
1804
01:40:45,360 --> 01:40:47,203
It's a good thing I'm wearing
my begging pants.
1805
01:40:47,360 --> 01:40:49,567
I usually only do this before sex.
1806
01:40:51,080 --> 01:40:53,845
Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going.
Please, please.
1807
01:40:54,000 --> 01:40:56,970
Ahem. Let's do it. Here we go.
1808
01:40:57,120 --> 01:40:58,167
Okay! To the RV, let's go.
1809
01:40:58,560 --> 01:40:59,607
Come on, Babs.
1810
01:41:02,960 --> 01:41:05,440
Whoa, whoa. Slow down.
There's clowns everywhere.
1811
01:41:05,640 --> 01:41:06,801
Here, let Pops get in here.
1812
01:41:07,000 --> 01:41:09,287
We're right down here.
I parked it next to an RV.
1813
01:41:14,200 --> 01:41:15,486
- Melissa.
- Kenny.
1814
01:41:15,680 --> 01:41:17,250
- Rose!
- Edie.
1815
01:41:17,440 --> 01:41:18,646
- Shit.
- Shit.
1816
01:41:18,880 --> 01:41:21,201
I never get used to that language.
1817
01:41:22,280 --> 01:41:26,171
What in the H-E-L-L
are you people doing here?
1818
01:41:26,480 --> 01:41:27,606
Uh... Uh, uh...
1819
01:41:27,800 --> 01:41:30,121
- We came to see the fireworks.
- Yeah. Fireworks.
1820
01:41:30,600 --> 01:41:34,810
Us too! That's so weird!
They're supposed to be amazing here.
1821
01:41:35,000 --> 01:41:36,445
- Melissa, can we talk?
- No.
1822
01:41:36,640 --> 01:41:38,404
- Mom, come on, let's go.
- Melissa!
1823
01:41:38,800 --> 01:41:40,882
Why are you being so rude?
1824
01:41:41,080 --> 01:41:43,686
Do you have your period?
Do you need a tampin?
1825
01:41:43,880 --> 01:41:46,884
Mom, I don't need a tampin.
I don't want to be near these people.
1826
01:41:47,120 --> 01:41:49,248
- Kenny. Let's go.
- We should get out of here.
1827
01:41:49,560 --> 01:41:52,484
- What happened last night was wrong.
- Oh, boy.
1828
01:41:54,400 --> 01:41:56,004
Oh, my God, she knows.
1829
01:41:57,720 --> 01:41:59,802
My daughter knows what we've done.
1830
01:42:00,880 --> 01:42:04,043
Melissa, yes, it was wrong of me
to fondle Mrs. Miller's breasts.
1831
01:42:04,640 --> 01:42:08,406
You're right. I'm not gonna deny that it
gave me a certain amount of pleasure.
1832
01:42:08,640 --> 01:42:13,726
That said, your father and I are struggling
with some serious intimacy issues.
1833
01:42:13,920 --> 01:42:15,046
Okay, no, stop!
1834
01:42:15,240 --> 01:42:16,765
I'm not as tight as I once was.
1835
01:42:16,960 --> 01:42:19,361
- Look...
- He just falls right out.
1836
01:42:19,560 --> 01:42:21,608
It's like throwing a hot dog
down a hallway.
1837
01:42:21,800 --> 01:42:23,962
Ew! What are you talking about?
1838
01:42:24,160 --> 01:42:28,484
I saw Kenny making out with his sister
and mother while their dad watched.
1839
01:42:29,840 --> 01:42:31,410
What? Oh, my...!
1840
01:42:31,600 --> 01:42:34,729
- It wasn't quite like that.
- That's not exactly what happened.
1841
01:42:34,960 --> 01:42:37,850
Rose isn't my mom, she's not
my sister. We're not a real family.
1842
01:42:38,080 --> 01:42:40,208
That's enough, son!
What are you saying?
1843
01:42:40,400 --> 01:42:43,449
He's been drinking. It's hard
to understand. He's being ridiculous.
1844
01:42:43,640 --> 01:42:46,325
David hired us to help him smuggle drugs
across the border.
1845
01:42:46,520 --> 01:42:48,010
You're drug dealers?
1846
01:42:48,400 --> 01:42:51,370
No! No, we're drug smugglers.
There's a difference.
1847
01:42:51,600 --> 01:42:53,170
There's not a difference.
1848
01:42:53,360 --> 01:42:56,125
Okay, Edie, we can explain, all right?
1849
01:42:56,320 --> 01:42:58,687
This is a small misunderstanding.
It really is.
1850
01:42:58,880 --> 01:43:01,486
When he says "smuggle," he doesn't
know what he's saying.
1851
01:43:01,680 --> 01:43:03,921
- It's not drugs.
- He doesn't know what drugs are.
1852
01:43:04,120 --> 01:43:06,088
Seriously. It's just a little tequila.
1853
01:43:07,480 --> 01:43:08,641
What?
1854
01:43:08,840 --> 01:43:09,887
Oh, my God!
1855
01:43:10,120 --> 01:43:13,806
- Hey. Ah, thank God you're alive.
- He's got a gun!
1856
01:43:14,040 --> 01:43:16,202
Listen! Hey, hey, hey.
No, no! Wait, wait, wait!
1857
01:43:21,960 --> 01:43:23,291
This is gonna be fun!
1858
01:43:35,640 --> 01:43:37,210
I still got it.
1859
01:43:37,400 --> 01:43:39,084
Don's a badass.
1860
01:43:39,800 --> 01:43:42,007
Oh, Don.
1861
01:43:43,880 --> 01:43:45,644
Melissa, go find a police officer.
1862
01:43:47,240 --> 01:43:48,810
Okay, Don. Don, listen to me.
1863
01:43:49,000 --> 01:43:51,401
No. Drug smuggling, David?
1864
01:43:51,600 --> 01:43:53,568
And to think of the moment we shared.
1865
01:43:53,760 --> 01:43:55,205
No, Don, there's another guy.
1866
01:43:55,720 --> 01:43:57,484
I don't want to hear about other men!
1867
01:43:58,120 --> 01:44:01,522
What? No! No, no! No! There's
another guy trying to kill us!
1868
01:44:01,720 --> 01:44:03,131
What? Who?
1869
01:44:03,320 --> 01:44:04,481
Pablo Chacon.
1870
01:44:05,120 --> 01:44:06,167
Pablo Chacon.
1871
01:44:06,360 --> 01:44:07,486
Buenas noches, Millers.
1872
01:44:07,680 --> 01:44:09,364
What is he saying?
What does that mean?
1873
01:44:09,560 --> 01:44:11,289
It's a familiar Mexican greeting.
1874
01:44:11,480 --> 01:44:14,643
You in the short jeans
and the funny mustache, give me the gun.
1875
01:44:15,920 --> 01:44:17,126
Melissa.
1876
01:44:19,920 --> 01:44:21,081
And the mug.
1877
01:44:24,080 --> 01:44:25,320
Please don't hurt her.
1878
01:44:26,160 --> 01:44:29,050
- Take her.
- Are you okay? It's okay.
1879
01:44:32,720 --> 01:44:33,926
Now the keys, please.
1880
01:44:34,480 --> 01:44:35,606
Here. Here, here, here.
1881
01:44:35,920 --> 01:44:39,163
Okay, great. You have your drugs,
so you don't have to kill us.
1882
01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:41,124
Oh, I don't have to kill you, huh?
1883
01:44:41,360 --> 01:44:42,407
You take my drugs.
1884
01:44:42,600 --> 01:44:45,570
You make me cross the border into
this fucked-up country.
1885
01:44:45,760 --> 01:44:47,922
You try to burn my face with steam!
1886
01:44:48,120 --> 01:44:50,407
- I'm sorry.
- You destroy my car!
1887
01:44:52,240 --> 01:44:56,006
And I don't like what you do to my man
every time we meet.
1888
01:44:58,320 --> 01:45:00,402
You are the worst family I've ever met.
1889
01:45:02,080 --> 01:45:04,242
But, you're right, I
don't have to kill you.
1890
01:45:06,800 --> 01:45:09,167
I want to kill you. All of you.
1891
01:45:09,560 --> 01:45:11,403
Stop. Stop.
1892
01:45:13,040 --> 01:45:15,930
Don't do this. Don't kill these people.
1893
01:45:17,000 --> 01:45:20,607
This is all my fault. I'm the one that
did this. I'm the drug dealer here.
1894
01:45:20,800 --> 01:45:22,165
This is an innocent family...
1895
01:45:22,360 --> 01:45:24,601
...in the wrong place
at the wrong time. Okay?
1896
01:45:25,920 --> 01:45:27,206
And this kid?
1897
01:45:27,520 --> 01:45:30,649
This kid's got the biggest fucking heart
I've ever seen in my life.
1898
01:45:31,480 --> 01:45:33,130
And I'm lucky to call him a friend.
1899
01:45:33,440 --> 01:45:37,286
Man, an hour ago, I would have killed
this girl for you.
1900
01:45:37,480 --> 01:45:40,609
But she's tough as hell.
And a lot smarter than me.
1901
01:45:41,880 --> 01:45:43,166
And this one.
1902
01:45:44,760 --> 01:45:47,491
You. Sarah.
1903
01:45:48,520 --> 01:45:50,727
You're the strongest woman
I've ever met.
1904
01:45:50,920 --> 01:45:52,684
And you'd make a great mom.
1905
01:45:55,320 --> 01:45:56,845
I love all of them.
1906
01:45:58,920 --> 01:46:00,160
Don't kill them.
1907
01:46:00,720 --> 01:46:01,926
Please.
1908
01:46:03,120 --> 01:46:04,451
Just kill me.
1909
01:46:05,360 --> 01:46:07,806
- Tell you what, I'll make a deal, okay?
- Okay.
1910
01:46:08,040 --> 01:46:10,407
I kill you first so you don't
watch your family die.
1911
01:46:21,480 --> 01:46:23,005
David.
1912
01:46:31,720 --> 01:46:33,563
Kenny! That was amazing!
1913
01:46:40,360 --> 01:46:42,089
I'd like to think I taught him that.
1914
01:46:42,720 --> 01:46:45,326
- Mm.
- I know I taught him that.
1915
01:46:47,120 --> 01:46:49,088
Put that tongue back in your mouth,
young man.
1916
01:46:50,880 --> 01:46:52,120
Oh.
1917
01:46:52,320 --> 01:46:54,163
Wow.
1918
01:46:54,360 --> 01:46:56,886
- You kiss a lot better than my sister.
- Hey!
1919
01:46:59,040 --> 01:47:00,326
- One, two, three.
- Mm-hm.
1920
01:47:09,720 --> 01:47:13,691
Well, Mr. Chacon, on behalf
of the United States of America...
1921
01:47:13,880 --> 01:47:15,928
...I'd like to welcome you to our country.
1922
01:47:16,120 --> 01:47:17,531
Grab a seat.
1923
01:47:18,560 --> 01:47:20,927
Sorry you won't get to experience
the freedom part.
1924
01:47:21,320 --> 01:47:23,368
Don, you're my hero.
1925
01:47:27,320 --> 01:47:29,163
I want you to use those zip ties tonight.
1926
01:47:43,120 --> 01:47:44,167
Here.
1927
01:47:44,960 --> 01:47:46,246
Thank you, David.
1928
01:47:48,880 --> 01:47:51,167
- We're gonna go.
- Not so fast.
1929
01:47:51,400 --> 01:47:52,606
- Oh, no, Don.
- Dad, please.
1930
01:47:52,800 --> 01:47:54,245
Girls, hush.
1931
01:47:57,040 --> 01:47:58,929
I believe that you are good people.
1932
01:47:59,120 --> 01:48:01,282
But you broke the law. All of you.
1933
01:48:01,560 --> 01:48:05,007
And worse than that, you put my wife
and daughter's lives in danger.
1934
01:48:05,560 --> 01:48:08,404
- Sorry.
- Gonna have to place you under arrest.
1935
01:48:08,600 --> 01:48:09,840
- Don, why?
- No, Dad, don't.
1936
01:48:10,080 --> 01:48:11,525
And I'm gonna do just that...
1937
01:48:12,480 --> 01:48:14,369
...right after I turn around...
1938
01:48:15,280 --> 01:48:16,566
...and hug my family.
1939
01:48:29,160 --> 01:48:30,685
David, come on.
1940
01:48:38,480 --> 01:48:39,686
It's all here!
1941
01:48:40,080 --> 01:48:42,560
I am blown away, David. Great job.
1942
01:48:43,000 --> 01:48:45,162
But it's late.
1943
01:48:45,600 --> 01:48:48,524
Deadline was last night, so,
sorry, buddy, no deal.
1944
01:48:49,480 --> 01:48:52,484
Brad, I almost got killed
over this shit. Twice.
1945
01:48:52,680 --> 01:48:56,480
I'm not gonna be an asshole about this.
I got two tons of premium weed.
1946
01:48:56,840 --> 01:49:00,526
Yes! And you got Chacon
pinched in the process...
1947
01:49:00,760 --> 01:49:03,843
- ...which is a huge win for team Brad.
- Mm-hm.
1948
01:49:04,040 --> 01:49:07,169
So how about we shake hands
and call it even.
1949
01:49:09,920 --> 01:49:13,811
- You were never gonna pay me, were you?
- Oh! Bingo. Heh-heh.
1950
01:49:15,120 --> 01:49:17,361
Was that a dick move?
I can't even tell anymore.
1951
01:49:20,640 --> 01:49:22,404
- Move!
- Go! Go! Go!
1952
01:49:25,200 --> 01:49:27,441
- Down, down, down!
- Get on the ground! Freeze!
1953
01:49:29,560 --> 01:49:31,050
Clear!
1954
01:49:33,320 --> 01:49:34,481
You double-crossed me.
1955
01:49:34,800 --> 01:49:36,370
Kind of a dick move, right?
1956
01:49:37,440 --> 01:49:39,010
You got nothing on me!
1957
01:49:39,280 --> 01:49:40,691
Nothing at all.
1958
01:49:41,680 --> 01:49:44,251
Oh, shit! Look at this guy.
1959
01:49:44,440 --> 01:49:46,329
Who let in 50 Cent?
1960
01:49:47,920 --> 01:49:50,082
- Nice work, David.
- Thank you, Don.
1961
01:49:50,280 --> 01:49:52,328
Now, I know you don't get your money...
1962
01:49:52,560 --> 01:49:55,689
...but doing the right thing
had to feel a whole lot better.
1963
01:49:56,080 --> 01:49:57,491
No.
1964
01:49:58,080 --> 01:49:59,445
All right, maybe a little bit.
1965
01:49:59,640 --> 01:50:04,089
As promised, in exchange for your
testimony against Chacon and Gurdlinger...
1966
01:50:04,320 --> 01:50:07,563
...we have to keep you in witness
protection for three to six months.
1967
01:50:07,760 --> 01:50:10,206
- Just me?
- Just you.
1968
01:50:12,760 --> 01:50:16,651
Oh. And any other witnesses to the crime.
1969
01:50:27,480 --> 01:50:29,244
- There you are.
- I don't care.
1970
01:50:29,440 --> 01:50:31,560
- Look at this hot nerd.
- Rub some dirt on it.
1971
01:50:31,680 --> 01:50:33,170
- What are you doing?
- Look at this.
1972
01:50:35,360 --> 01:50:39,206
You gotta tell Casey to stop posting this stuff.
It's already got a million hits...
1973
01:50:39,560 --> 01:50:40,766
...and growing.
1974
01:50:40,960 --> 01:50:43,930
Okay, okay, I'll tell her after lunch.
Oof, you know what else?
1975
01:50:44,120 --> 01:50:45,690
I can see down your tank top.
1976
01:50:52,440 --> 01:50:53,521
- Hey there.
- Hey.
1977
01:50:53,720 --> 01:50:56,803
- Wanted to introduce ourselves. I'm Dan.
- Hey, Dan.
1978
01:50:57,040 --> 01:50:58,883
My wife, Kathy. We just moved in.
1979
01:50:59,320 --> 01:51:00,685
- Hello.
- We're the Johnsons.
1980
01:51:00,920 --> 01:51:03,002
Oh, great. Welcome to the neighborhood.
1981
01:51:03,440 --> 01:51:04,965
Hey, guys. Come here.
1982
01:51:05,160 --> 01:51:06,286
Come meet our neighbors.
1983
01:51:06,480 --> 01:51:07,527
I'm David.
1984
01:51:07,920 --> 01:51:09,888
And this is my family right here.
1985
01:51:10,040 --> 01:51:11,280
This is my son, Kenny.
1986
01:51:11,440 --> 01:51:12,646
My daughter, Casey.
1987
01:51:12,800 --> 01:51:15,326
- And this is my wife, Sarah.
- Nice to meet you.
1988
01:51:15,520 --> 01:51:18,046
- We're the Millers.
- Ah. Pleasure.
1989
01:51:18,200 --> 01:51:20,567
Thanks for saying hi.
All right, take care now.
1990
01:51:20,720 --> 01:51:22,609
- See you soon. Bye.
- Bye.
1991
01:51:22,920 --> 01:51:25,161
- I don't like them.
- I don't like them either.
1992
01:51:25,320 --> 01:51:27,721
Why introduce yourself?
I mean, who the fuck are you?
1993
01:51:27,880 --> 01:51:30,884
I can't believe this.
We're stuck in the suburbs.
1994
01:51:31,040 --> 01:51:35,045
Now, this sucks. I can't wait for the
trial to be over. Gotta get outta here.
1995
01:51:40,400 --> 01:51:41,447
Stick to the big A.
1996
01:51:41,600 --> 01:51:43,170
- Anal.
- Abstinence, you meant.
1997
01:51:43,320 --> 01:51:45,129
- Neither makes a baby.
- He confuses...
1998
01:51:45,280 --> 01:51:47,965
Oscars! For all of you!
1999
01:51:48,120 --> 01:51:51,124
That's very nice of you, but we're
not that good of an actor, no.
2000
01:51:54,600 --> 01:51:56,887
- Those guys are picking on that girl.
- Where?
2001
01:51:59,520 --> 01:52:01,568
- I'll never forget these moments.
- What?
2002
01:52:01,720 --> 01:52:04,200
- And I hope you don't either.
- Ha-ha-ha.
2003
01:52:04,640 --> 01:52:05,880
And, action.
2004
01:52:08,040 --> 01:52:09,963
It takes two men to open this
mini-fridge.
2005
01:52:10,520 --> 01:52:12,568
Aah!
2006
01:52:12,720 --> 01:52:16,611
It's literally so hard!
2007
01:52:17,800 --> 01:52:20,160
- Okay, you guys, seriously, you're mak...
- Ha-ha-ha!
2008
01:52:20,440 --> 01:52:21,487
Look, look, look.
2009
01:52:22,960 --> 01:52:24,769
- Ha, ha!
- Leave the girls alone.
2010
01:52:24,960 --> 01:52:28,089
What are you gonna do, freckles?
What are you gonna do, Don Knotts?
2011
01:52:28,240 --> 01:52:30,322
What are you gonna do,
guy with great posture?
2012
01:52:32,640 --> 01:52:34,802
Ow! Broke my nose!
2013
01:52:35,160 --> 01:52:37,401
I'm terrified of blood,
you know what I'm saying?
2014
01:52:37,760 --> 01:52:40,684
You just deviated my septum,
you know what I'm saying?
2015
01:52:40,840 --> 01:52:44,287
Uh, I want a Band-Aid.
2016
01:52:45,680 --> 01:52:47,762
- Closed?
- They're closed. Till morning.
2017
01:52:47,920 --> 01:52:50,400
Oklahoma.
Oh, poop.
2018
01:52:50,560 --> 01:52:52,642
Cheese and rice.
Ants on a log.
2019
01:52:52,800 --> 01:52:55,121
Poop on a Popsicle.
Oh, cock marbles.
2020
01:52:55,280 --> 01:52:58,170
- Oh, fuck.
- Ha-ha-ha.
2021
01:53:12,800 --> 01:53:15,451
It just stopped at a certain point...
2022
01:53:15,640 --> 01:53:18,041
...and you just couldn't
insert it any more.
2023
01:53:18,200 --> 01:53:21,363
Well, I just looked like I had,
like, a Stormtrooper dick.
2024
01:53:24,800 --> 01:53:27,849
So I'm just gonna... There we go.
There they are.
2025
01:53:28,000 --> 01:53:29,081
This is crazy.
2026
01:53:29,280 --> 01:53:32,363
Those are just gorgeous, gorgeous,
gorgeous breasts.
2027
01:53:34,880 --> 01:53:36,564
Cut! All right. Cut.
2028
01:53:37,200 --> 01:53:38,929
- And, action.
- Whoo!
2029
01:53:39,120 --> 01:53:42,010
- How about a little victory music, shall we?
- Yes, please.
2030
01:53:45,160 --> 01:53:46,810
- I love this song!
- This is awesome!
2031
01:53:50,360 --> 01:53:55,127
You're job's a joke, you're broke
Your love life's D.O.A.
2032
01:53:55,280 --> 01:53:58,284
I'll be there for you
2033
01:53:58,440 --> 01:53:59,965
When the rain starts to fall
2034
01:54:00,120 --> 01:54:03,283
I'll be there for you
2035
01:54:03,480 --> 01:54:06,006
'Cause you're there for me too
2036
01:54:06,160 --> 01:54:08,527
That was really good.
2037
01:54:10,440 --> 01:54:12,681
That's very funny.
2038
01:58:23,160 --> 01:58:25,208
Adiós, Millers.
2038
01:58:26,305 --> 01:59:26,401
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